It's Not Your Fault

It's Not Your Fault

A Poem by Ziggy Matthews
"

9/300. This could very much be triggering. I circled through the different things that can torture my mind at night.

"

It’s not your fault

That your fourteen-year-old daddy

Raped your fifteen-year-old mommy

While she was sleeping

Knocked out by her allergy medication.

 

It’s not your fault

That your aunt and uncle

Who did their best to raise you

Feel into their own meth addiction

That would forever change you.

 

It’s not your fault

That your babysitter abused you.

Allowed you to dehydrate in summer heat,

Allowed her niece to cut off your breathing,

And that she told you to like it.

 

It’s not your fault

That you lost heat that cold winter night

Because dad got laid off from his job,

So you all gathered in your parents’ bedroom

To sleep by the space heater.

 

It’s not your fault

That your aunt called you a failed abortion,

A dirtbag, and a problem child

Forever engraving into your mind

A picture of you captioned: worthless.

 

It’s not your fault

That your best friends who lived next door

Were taken by Child Protective Services

And you saw them knocking on your door,

But you weren’t home, only driving by.

 

It’s not your fault

That he drugged you up

And got your hormones running

So he could touch you softly in the dark,

Giving nightmares that cannot be cured by medicine.

 

It’s not your fault

That every time you liked a girl

You instantly fell for her

Because you were so desperate for affirmation

And love that you’d do anything for a happy ending.

 

It’s not your fault

That she cheated on you,

Telling you through a text message

She was breaking up with you.

Remember how much you wanted to cry?

 

It’s not your fault

That when you were ready to end the fantasies

The attacks from the enemy

Became even stronger.

You couldn’t bear it on your own.

 

It’s not your fault

That every positive memory

Seems to become tainted

By the thought of your own happiness

As if pain is your greatest addiction.

 

It’s not your fault

That you wear trauma as a cologne.

But you do have the power to bring

An end to the unforgiveness and shame.

All you need to do is stand in the rain

Completely naked.
Photo by Reza Shayestehphour on Upwork

© 2021 Ziggy Matthews


Author's Note

Ziggy Matthews
This might be more mature, but I don't like excluding people from reading. In a way, I hope this poem brings you comfort. In a way, I hope it brings you healing. Thank you for reading!

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This kinda reminds me of NF's song, "Nate" (Where's he's talking to his younger-self) and also "Change" (I'm referring to these lines)
"By the thought of your own happiness
As if pain is your greatest addiction."
This poem was beautiful Ziggy, I love how you don't give blame to yourself for things most other people who've been in your situation or a similar situation would (Kinda like me, I blame myself for so much of my trauma that's happened in my past). I love how you tell yourself, "It's okay, Ziggy, it's not your fault that it happened" because truly, it's not...I love how you give us a glimpse of your life and your past traumas, I think you should write about 'em as long as you got 'em in you, to release all of that poison from your past, writing has been a huge therapy for me ever since I joined the cafe, and it makes me happy to see other writers expressing the things in their life that give you immense pain and sorrow, it's a wonderful poem, Ziggy, thank you for sharing. :)

Kindly, Nix ❤️️

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

' .. It’s not your fault ~ That you wear trauma as a cologne ~ But you do have the power to bring ~ An end to the unforgiveness and shame. ~ All you need to do is stand in the rain ~ Completely naked. '

In your mind, in your life, in your telling, for me: you have written of most if not all the evils humans can inflict on others. And somehow line by line the perpetrators might appear to be the victors. Yet by the end, in that single word, you have stripped the victim, victims, bare of hurt and indignity ~ and more.

Posted 6 Months Ago


This kinda reminds me of NF's song, "Nate" (Where's he's talking to his younger-self) and also "Change" (I'm referring to these lines)
"By the thought of your own happiness
As if pain is your greatest addiction."
This poem was beautiful Ziggy, I love how you don't give blame to yourself for things most other people who've been in your situation or a similar situation would (Kinda like me, I blame myself for so much of my trauma that's happened in my past). I love how you tell yourself, "It's okay, Ziggy, it's not your fault that it happened" because truly, it's not...I love how you give us a glimpse of your life and your past traumas, I think you should write about 'em as long as you got 'em in you, to release all of that poison from your past, writing has been a huge therapy for me ever since I joined the cafe, and it makes me happy to see other writers expressing the things in their life that give you immense pain and sorrow, it's a wonderful poem, Ziggy, thank you for sharing. :)

Kindly, Nix ❤️️

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Something tells me it will take a lot of rain to cleanse this broken soul.
It is amazing and it does happen. Some kids just never get a break. It's like the world is punishing them just for being born. Some will grow up and do great things. Some sadly will repeat the past and keep the cycle moving on.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Sadly there are many that have gone through similar traumas as you had to endure. You words may help someone else feel not so alone, ashamed or broken. Life can be cruel and unloving and I don’t pretend to understand why things happen.

This is such a truthful open poem about a childhood that was lost because of adults who didn’t know how to be parents or give love.



Posted 6 Months Ago


I am so touched by this poem and it hurts my soul what you had to go through... But it's not your fault and it's important to keep reminding yourself of that. It's terrible how cruel the world can be. How one half watches the other half completely lose their humanity. I don't believe that time can heal all wounds, but I am confident that with time it will hurt less as we learn to deal with it better. It will always be a part of you and has shaped you into the person you are today. Thank you for sharing!! Take care - S.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ziggy Matthews

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your review! I was nervous that just sharing personal experiences wouldn't be .. read more

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Added on March 8, 2021
Last Updated on March 8, 2021
Tags: poetry, depression, dad, father, lost dad, abandoned, abandonment, molestation, regret, ziggy, matthews, past, hurt, pain, suicide, cheating

Author

Ziggy Matthews
Ziggy Matthews

NE



About
A disturbed "at-risk" child that grew up to become a semi-functional adult and teacher who helps other "at risk" children become semi-functional adults. Writing is my therapy and passion. Realistic fi.. more..

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