My Chicken Sandwich

This is an interesting flashback poem. I hope you enjoy it. Not sure if what I was going for worked. I hope you enjoy!

A spicy chicken sandwich and fries

That’s all I really wanted.

A nice conversation

With old friends,

Some of the few I felt vulnerable with

But I’d be lying if that were honest.

A busy summer day is a great time

To hide behind

The dozens of people

Surrounding us at Chik-Fil-A.

They took my order…

 

The first time I went there,

The store had just opened up.

My buddies all camped outside

So they could get 100 free meals.

I didn’t to stay up late at night.

What if I missed my 8 AM class?

What if I missed that church event

That we had been planning for so long

All for some delicious spicy chicken and pickles.

What would they think of me?

They went anyways

Leaving me alone in the group

Abandoned by those I was closest to

Because I didn’t want to take the risk

Of missing out on what I knew.

 

We had to share the long table

With some family that had

A three-year-old toddler

That wouldn’t stop yelling for mommy.

Jake’s food came first.

Logan’s followed shortly after.

Everyone was laughing and talking

But my tongue seemed to be clogging

The back of my throat.

My heart wanting to scream

But my lips were not complying.

I ordered before them.

Did they…

Forget me?

 

Elementary school floods my mind.

The third game of our basketball schedule.

I sat on the bench with my friend Charlie.

Coaches were required to let every person play.

We watched as our team battled out on the court.

Time was ticking,

And I watched and watched

As we fought and fought,

But my number was never called.

She realized her error after the game

And put the blame back on me.

Why didn’t you say something?

My tongue clogged my throat

And the words refused to form.

I was too scared.

I didn’t want to be seen

Didn’t want the confrontation.

So I hid

Waiting for the seek,

But it never came.

They just started a new game.

I wonder if she could see the tears I was holding back…

 

Twenty minutes go by

And everyone is almost done eating.

I have to hold back my choppy breathing.

There’s so many people here.

Perhaps they just got it mixed up.

It’ll be here shortly.

Levi, my roommate, speaks up.

He always knew when I was lost.

Hey Zach, where’s your food?

I quiver my lip a little

Not wanting to admit

That I had been forgotten.

You should go say something.

The rest of the group chimes in

Encouraging me to risk it.

To be vulnerable

And go up to the counter

To inquire.

 

I slowly walked up.

I felt the rush of every confrontation experienced.

Why was this so personal, so serious?

Voices in my mind tense me up

Like a precious jewel under pressure,

But I don’t think this is a diamond in the rough.

I thought back to my first rejection.

I sat next to that girl for three months

Without talking to her once.

Instead, I would shake and tremble

At just a request of a pencil

Because I was so scared of her noticing me.

When she said no,

It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I was finally recognized,

But not in a good way.

No longer could I be invisible.

I lost all words to say.

Why bother risking anything

If it only leads to laughter and rejection?

I dove deeper into my personal circumspection.

 

I trembled up to the counter.

An older lady greeted me.

I tried to say the words,

But it felt like I was choking.

 

I ummm… ordered… ummm…

Thirty minutes ago,

And uhhh… my order was…

Forgotten…

 

She could tell I nearly was crying.

Why was I so f*****g emotional?

It’s just a stupid chicken sandwich!

But deep down,

I knew this was about much more.

She was so empathetic.

But damn, I felt so pathetic.

She rushed to get my food,

And she gave me a milkshake, too,

Free of charge.

I sat there shaking

Clinging onto my winter coat

I had gotten from my counselor in high school.

 

She called me into her office

Senior year.

It was negative five outside.

My parents were too poor

To buy me a proper jacket,

So I wore a paper thin hoody

I bought in middle school.

A teacher saw me at my bus stop

Shaking in the cold,

So she bought me a double-layered winter coat.

My tongue choked on words

As I kept it on the whole day

Not talking to anyone

Because I was so grateful,

But also, I was recognized.

They saw through my façade.

 

Everything was okay, but

Nothing was fine!

And if I ever risked telling anyone

They would know this face I wear is a lie

Because deep down inside

I’m still that insecure boy

That wants to be loved.

Wants to be cheered on,

But feels like he can’t

Because every time he had before,

His friends, family, and dreams

Would suddenly

Disappear…

 

I sat there eating my chicken sandwich.

Everyone could see me trying to shove down the pain.

The rest of our time together

Was deemed silent due to my personal shame

Because I didn’t want other’s pity.

I didn’t want to be known.

I just wanted to sulk in silence

And eat some chicken

To bring minor peace to my soul.

Photo taken by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

Author's Note

Thank you again for reading! Feel free to comment and leave a review. Have you ever had a breakdown inside of a public place? Thanks again!!!

Reviews

[Poetic Beauty]

Some of us have deeper seated issues with speaking up and wanting to hide in the shadows.

When I was younger I didn’t like standing out and the older I got the more I embraced my uniqueness and accepted that I wasn’t always like everyone else.

I understand this boy/you in this poem and why he reacts the way he does. It’s years of rejection and neglect that has caused the hiding in the shadows.

[Ziggy Matthews]

Thank you for your review! I really appreciate that you take the time to always read my poetry and review it.

[Nix is typing...]

I've read this several times, but I kept getting interrupted :/
Was there supposed to be a "want" here?
"I didn’t (want?) to stay up late at night."
Ziggy, I felt this HEAVILY!!! This hits home for me so hard, I feel like we've lived the same thing here...I think it's just intense shyness... I'm like that too...I'm always too scared to send my food back at restaurants if they get the order wrong or something (For instance, I hate asking for sauce because they didn't include it, or I hate sending my "boned" chicken back because I ordered boneless) because I never like to go through that confrontation, it always makes some severe anxiety go nuts in my head because it's like, "PRINCESS! THEY DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR BULLSHIT, THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH S****Y CUSTOMERS ALL DAMN DAY AND IF YOU SEND YOUR FOOD BACK, THEY'RE GONNA SPIT ON IT BEFORE THEY HAND IT TO YOU..." That's always what goes through my head whenever I feel like sending my food back because they messed up my order, thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one that feels this way, Zigs, this is amazing. :) Thank you for sharing. :))))

Kindly, Nix ❤️️