Awake, Alone, Helpless

Something of a ghost story... or is it?

He comes every night. He who haunts her bedroom window, the drapes that cover that window and even her dreams. She lies in bed every night, her eyes wide and yet unseeing. She tells herself that she is too old, way too old to still believe in something as petty as a ghost story. She tosses and turns, seeking a relief, hoping to find some comfort in her sleep. Her heavy eyelids flutter closed, knowing that she can not withstand another sleepless night. Not another night, tossing and turning in bed, wondering how many more hours until dawn.

Wondering how much longer she would have to count the penetrating beating of her heart. Wondering how much longer she would have to lie awake, alone and helpless. She sat up. There it was! There it was again! The soft, dull knocking against her window. An ice cold shudder ran lengthwise up her spine and she stiffened, adrenaline pumping. There it was. She could see the hand against her window. He was there, demanding entry. No, no, not tonight. Not tonight. Anytime but tonight. The tears fell steadily down her soft features. In a trance she stood up, her bare feet carrying her across the cold, linoleum floor. Her protests would fall on deaf ears, her begging unheard. Awake, alone, helpless.

Reviews

[Cleve Sylcox]

This was very, very interesting. I found it drawing me in, and holding my attention throughout. Bravo, and I hope the story line continues.

[Elvina CZq]

I find this one far more interesting than I thought. It might be short but able to give out a story in some sort. It could be a ghost story. However, at the same time, what I could interpret from this story is, the horror part is not having the mysterious being outside the window. Instead, my opinion is on the sleepless hours that could cause that person to think of something surreal, and through the mind creates this mysterious being.

Nicely written, I must say. Not too rush, not too intense, and not too easy as well. Just good enough for a read and easy to absorb by a mind. Keep it up! :)

[Francez]

A good beginning of a story. You know how to intrigue your readers' attention by the suspense. The only small thing I could point out is the overuse of the sentence 'There it was". 3x, plus 'He was there..." was just a tad bit too much. :-)

Apart from that it is well written!