The Space

It always begins
with a space that begs to be filled

desperate in its need to feel satiated

but that which the emptiness craves
is poison
and the antidote is poison too
problem and solution
a catch twenty-two

this drive to imbibe
and then
to turn back the hands of time
swallow
purge
unwind
it is almost the perfect crime

and the space is smug
for a moment
like the cheat who has not yet been caught
but here we are
back at the start
and the space is still there
with its smug face
that is slowly but surely
sliding into
disgrace
because the emptiness is full now
it is full of shame
once again the lost game

and yes
it is easy when fresh the shame
to say
never again
but shame
is like a fast food meal
it is not really real
and no matter how
hard it tries
it can not sustain
the space that begs to be filled

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

shame is not refundable or retractable and once we fill our space with it, it cannot be undone...
shame cannot fill the void of need...and if we fill the need in some way that is not above board...we will pay with the guilt, for the rest of our time.
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I believe every addiction rises from pain. I think this is a poem about problem drinking and possibly a manic/depressive need for a coping mechanism. I gathered that partly from the use of the words " drive to imbibe" and the helplessness or hopelessness of the situation which seems palpable here as it would to a manic/depressive state because alcohol drives both mania and depression rather than relieving them, which it is so often used for by self-medicating persons. I've done a bit of that self-medicating myself to no avail in my time. But to me, it's sort of a story about someone feeling trapped inside one's own mind.

[olla]

I call it a hole in my soul.. I think we all have it.. and lord know I have tried to fill it with just about everything there is to fill a hole with.. I have learned over time that both shame and guilt are useless emotions.. like so many others.. my lessons are really about self abuse.. the only one it ever hurts is me..

[barleygirl]

Altho Nev & Jacob read this as being about shame/guilt, and I enjoy their thought-provoking comments very much, I saw your poem as being about the way we walk around with this nebulous void & we mindlessly shove most any dumb hunk of sad fulfillment into it - sex, conversation, substance, religion, you name it. Shame is a by-product of whatever inadequate indulgence(s) we pour into ourselves, that's why I don't see shame/guilt as the main feature, altho an important part. I love the last 6 lines & these sentiments apply to everything that provokes that shame (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Neville]

guilt is probably the most destructive of human emotions.. and shame...well tis best avoided... enjoyed nevertheless.......

Neville