Void river

Just an old story of mine.

Legend speaks in temples old
of black tale, making mortals shiver.
Dusty, ancient runes foretold
of prime, abyssal, lifeless river.

Underneath the skies, forbidden,
therein livings shun to enter,
far beyond the forests, hidden,
runs across the tundra center.

Cold and silent as the Reaper,
like an atom - entryless,
of all existence none is deeper
than this heart of emptiness.

Timeless realm, zero streamed,
unborn, existing, sleeping calm,
a source of darkness or it seemed
as void was lifting from its palm.

The future still unknown remains,
a thousand prophecies were sworn,
but rumor wanders and it claims
that chaos deity was there born.

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

'tundra center' feels a bit forced, since I don't think I have ever heard someone describe their location is a tundra as being 'center' Likewise, I think you should use a different rhyme than 'entryless' for more or less the same reasons; it feels unnatural (and not in a poetic way) so it makes the rhyme feel contrived. Other than those two bits, this is an engaging sonnet; I was particularly drawn in with your last two lines. You have a great skill at writing epic poetry which genuinely feels like it was written in an age passed. Thanks for reading, and for sharing!

[elvenom]

Ah, I think you're right. "tundra center", it kinda sounds like forced. About "entryless", this word doesn't even exist in the dictionaries, I made it up, experimented. Thank you for your review. It truly helpful.

[~]

You spin a tale so brilliantly with a lovely rhyme, that makes me want to read this out loud, and did! lol Wonderful writing.

[elvenom]

Thank you so much. Such nice review puts a smile on my face.