Absent Explorers

Absent Explorers

A Poem by M.W. Griffith
"

Here's another Science Fiction Poem, this one a bit more sinister than my last entry.

"

ABSENT EXPLORERS

The corridors are empty

A dead ship in a black sea

Blinking buttons of computers

Pierce the dark of the bridge

They never should have landed

On the stormy planet red

Never did understand

What burned in their veins

One by one they fell

Traveling to the planet blue

Carrying with them the cursed air

To a civilization they never knew


©2014 by M.W. Griffith

© 2014 M.W. Griffith


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Featured Review

As I suspected! You're a humble bee! This is brilliant! Sci fi poetry! Never heard of such a phenomenon as this! The flow is great here. It rolls off the tongue..and brain (because I don't randomly read poems aloud to myself). My advice would be to work on the following lines:

"Blinking buttons of computers"--> maybe you could change this to something with a little more imagery like 'the eyes of computers, blinking in the dark'

"Never did understand" --> you need to answer the question who here. Who never understood? Answer: 'they never understood.'

Feel free to use what I have suggested in this poem! I think it's original and well written.

Margo Seuss
Courtesy of the Constructive Critics Group


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M.W. Griffith

7 Years Ago

Thanks! I didn't expect you to force your way through this poem of mine. At least you have put a s.. read more
Margo Seuss

7 Years Ago

There was no force, my friend. I enjoyed it, honest to God!



Reviews

Wow, I myself can't accomplish such in a 10 of stanzas! Kudos to you.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

An interesting piece of art, I thoroughly enjoyed your work and ideas within this poem.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M.W. Griffith

7 Years Ago

I appreciate that. I'm more of a story teller than a poet, and was trying to combine the two into a.. read more
A. Amos

7 Years Ago

Well you are so right about it, keep writing my friend and all the best.
As I suspected! You're a humble bee! This is brilliant! Sci fi poetry! Never heard of such a phenomenon as this! The flow is great here. It rolls off the tongue..and brain (because I don't randomly read poems aloud to myself). My advice would be to work on the following lines:

"Blinking buttons of computers"--> maybe you could change this to something with a little more imagery like 'the eyes of computers, blinking in the dark'

"Never did understand" --> you need to answer the question who here. Who never understood? Answer: 'they never understood.'

Feel free to use what I have suggested in this poem! I think it's original and well written.

Margo Seuss
Courtesy of the Constructive Critics Group


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

M.W. Griffith

7 Years Ago

Thanks! I didn't expect you to force your way through this poem of mine. At least you have put a s.. read more
Margo Seuss

7 Years Ago

There was no force, my friend. I enjoyed it, honest to God!

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328 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 9, 2014
Last Updated on June 9, 2014
Tags: poem, poetry, fiction, writing, amwriting, m.w.griffith, floods, writer, writers

Author

M.W. Griffith
M.W. Griffith

Kingsport, TN



About
Michael Griffith was born in Carthage, Tennessee, and now lives in Kingsport TN after marrying his best friend. He is currently studying history at Northeast State, with the intention of entering the.. more..

Writing
Wonder Wonder

A Story by M.W. Griffith