The last thing I'll remember

The last thing I'll remember

short of the cigarettes I regret

or the booze I could have avoided,

will be something I don't need.

 

I'll want it to be something

that I remembered my father

saying about God, about

how this is all

natural and right.

I would hope it to be

something that brought

great comfort as the

swelling coldness clamored

onto me, a thousand legged

thing trying

to get my last breath out.

 

Or maybe, the last words you

and I said to eachother, the parting

kisses between us as you hold my hand

and watch something you

dedicated yourself to

slink away catlike into

the alley of death.

 

But, I think

what will run through

all that grand and shaking

moment, will be stubborn and

worrying.

The last breath I push out,

offering to the earth,

I will remember

the unalterable realization

of my un-importance.

 

Reviews

[Michelle Tarnowski]

The approach and moment of death are fascinating. I've seen more than a few people die, each one unique. Some resigned, others afraid, and some fight to the bitter end. Still there is a beauty in those last moments which is hard to describe. Of course those are just my ramblings and have little to do with what you have written, which seems to be well thought through. I found it interesting.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

I really love this...thought provoking and
beautifully written

Lynda

[Kae Martyndale]

Wow. This was well written.

[Collette]

This brings back so many memories of why I admire you so much....You tackled the question of "what happens" with clever tact, bringing up your hopes of what might cross your mind, before the realization sets in. Likewise, you've done it in a way that makes the language follow the same format. From vivid and imaginative, you reduce your final moments to simple actions and a single sentence. The final stanza is not flowery, nor should it be. In it's simplicity, it brings the entire piece full-circle. While I felt resolved in it's ending, I could also relate to the dissapointment of the speaker. The general realization that we are not important is shocking to us as humans, yet, as plain as the language you chose. I think you've done a fine job taking a generic idea, and turning it personal AND relatable. I didn't feel as though it were merely 'you', but instead, you becoming anyone. Or anyone becoming you. (whichever you prefer...) Really, I am impressed, and that is an understatment.

These lines were by far, my favorite. I savoured them.

Or maybe, the last words you
and I said to eachother, the parting
kisses between us as you hold my hand
and watch something you
dedicated yourself to
slink away catlike into
the alley of death.

I could visualize this so easily, and the emotions definitely stirred stronger with this stanza. The concept of a 'cat like' movement seems sly to me, like you were leaving your lover by choice, and not by the force of death. Interesting....really.

Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to your future pennings.

[Hedra Helix]

Damn, i hope not;)
this is beaitiful, subtle and real and resonating.

did you mean to do this on purpose?

Or maybe, the last words you

and I said to eachother