Locked Out

Locked Out

A Poem by emipoemi

Whether by the sweltering sun

Or the oscillating moon,

For all intents and purposes

I’m locked out of my heart,

Obstructed from my soul,

And banished to my brain

Where I’m bombarded with questions

That drive me into madness.

Long have I drifted in the depths of sorrow,

Long have I languished in the lonely shadows,

My only solace in my Muses’ voices

Now the dreary static

Of a connection striving to hold the signal

Before dead silence.

I was a river.

I flowed with my feelings

Amidst the real and ethereal,

And it didn’t matter low or high,

Wet or dry,

Home was the ink in my current,

Home was the song at my core;

The blessing of knowing

I was born to run to the ocean.

I was a garden.

I conjured a myriad of flowers

And was green with vegetation,

Green with the vigour

Of Spring emerging from the dregs of Winter

By the pricking of my thumb!

I was wick as wonder,

Quick as thunder,

But now I’m under

The impression that ev’ry ripple

And petal of creation

From my coven of Muses

Is not as rich and pleasant

As when it all manifested.

Like my Muses don’t know what they want.

Like the listless existence

In stagnation

Instead sows the insane root

And flows the lethean liquor

That render synergy lethal

And myself simply green -

A shade of naïveté

Attempting to reclaim

The present tense of my nature

While outside a locked zone

With the key lost inside.


© 2022 emipoemi

My Review

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Wonderfully musical in its construction and a nice light touch in the play of the diction.

Posted 9 Months Ago


9 Months Ago

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
"But now I’m under
The impression that ev’ry ripple
And petal of creation
From my coven of Muses
Is not as rich and pleasant
As when it all manifested." This stanza gave me the impression that you wrote about self doubt. You are locked out of your heart, banished to only your questioning brain, where you don't have all of the answers. You were a graceful river, you were a beautiful graden. But now, you have doubts that you weren't what you thought you were. You thought you were naïve, and you can't seem to make these unwelcomed thoughts go away. You must find the key to your soul, to your heart to remind yourself that you are what you believe you are... a beautiful thing, a beautiful garden, a graceful river. Something worth seeing! This, when read a couple of times, has a very deep meaning, that self doubt can perhaps do alot of damage and it takes alot of determination fo find the key to open a new... more positive... look on life! Thanks for sharing!

Posted 9 Months Ago


9 Months Ago

Thanks for reading! (and taking the time to analyze it properly). I appreciate your thoughts and com.. read more

9 Months Ago

My pleasure :)
Im not steeping into this one. I read it.

Posted 9 Months Ago


9 Months Ago

You definitely don't have to join the argument - I don't blame you (I'm surprised it has even gone t.. read more
Ranger Kessel

9 Months Ago

I did thank you
• Or the oscillating moon,

If you see the moon oscillating, you just may have overindulged. The moon MIGHT be said to circle the earth. But it does NOT oscillate.

• I’m locked out of my heart,

Damn…I didn’t even know the thing had a lock. I wonder who has my key? And the sun and the moon can do the things you say? Naa. You’re over the line and into purple-prose with this. And given that the first stanza the speaker ends with the speaker insane, that’s it, poem over because the protagonist is insane and can no longer function.

But over all, each stanza says the same thing with different words, and is extremely reminiscent of Lydia’s suicide note in the film, Beetlejuice: I am utterly… alone. You have sealed my fate with your betrayal. I can no longer stand to be used like a puppet between two deceitful worlds…
If you’ve not seen it, this is the mood you seem to be setting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y5Hilp4rFg

My point? You have intent for how the reader is to take the meaning, and hear the words, but no one else does. So this can only work for you, because the story that makes it meaningful is in your head and supplying context for what didn’t make it to the page.

In this, you’re transcribing yourself emoting, as if at a live performance. But no one can hear the emotion you’d place in your voice. And no one can see your expressions and body-language. Have your computer read this to you to hear how great the difference is between you performing the piece and the reader experiencing it as they read, with none of the knowledge that makes it work for you.

Basically, you’re reacting to unknown events with visually referenced statements that cannot work in a medium that has neither vision nor sound. Sure, when YOU read it, every line points to images, memories, and more, all stored in your mind. So it works. But for the reader? Every line points to images, memories, and more, all stored in *YOUR* mind. But with you not there to explain…

I’d suggest a look Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. Lots of people view it as mandatory reading. It’s free to download here: https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

Posted 9 Months Ago

0 of 3 people found this review constructive.


9 Months Ago

You both are talented writers, JayGs comment was a critique and I can understand how EmiPoemi felt t.. read more

9 Months Ago

• Saying everything you did without showing that you understood the original intent isn't a cogent.. read more

9 Months Ago

Milady Aura:

I'm not arguing with him. He's mounted on a very tall horse, locked into.. read more

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4 Reviews
Added on June 9, 2022
Last Updated on June 10, 2022




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