VIRUSSIA

VIRUSSIA

A Poem by emma-jao
"

ITS ABOUT A PROSTITUTE GIRL KNOWN AS AURELLIA , PEOPLE NICKNAMED HER MISS ASIA.

"
The galaxy nicknamed her miss Asia,though her real name is Aurellia, she earn thru brothel,whats make her brothelia, trying to decode each area, each area contain boys in horny career,her life will end in failure,  because her life seems like traggedy scenario,she lost her virgin to a burly from Australia,  previous her virgin was worth than state of Virginia,you can bed with her only after pizzeria right now she got a new service,anal sex, can i call her anal sexmania?, she aint trust condoms, because she is a sexual disease familiar, currently she plan to market her figure in Romania, the rumors from neighbors says she is now AIDS carrier, whats make peoples call her miss Asia,? do you think because she is infected by AIDS virus,led peoples to prefix her nickname to VIRUSSIA? im so disgust about miss Asia, a reason lure me to compose a poem VIRUSSIA.

© 2010 emma-jao


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emma-jao
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Featured Review

The subject is most worthy of a write.. This would be excellent layed out in a spoken word format verse a stream of conciousness one.. I think you have some wonderful lines in here.
I would be glad to help if you need it. i love breaking down things into spoken word
:-)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like this a lot. It has some very inventive turns of phrase. As importantly, it has a very honest and authentic feel and doesn't succumb to sentimentalism. I think keeping a prose poem format isn't a problem (no line breaks, prose structure, as you have it. I'd break it up into sentences more, and correct the grammar, get rid of some of the more obvious words. I took the liberty of making some suggestions below; you can take or leave these, or use them to spur your own.

The galaxy nicknamed her miss Asia,though her real name is Aurellia (.) (S)he earn(ed) [thru] (some other word? )(at the) brothel, which made her brothelia, trying to decode each area, each area (that) contain boys in (their) horny career(s)[,] (H)her life will end in failure, because her life seems like[ traggedy (too obvious? ](other word, the ) scenario(.),s (S)he lost her [virgin(ity)] (maybe something less obvious (e.g. herself first) to a burly (noun, unless burly can be a noun ) from Australia,(.) [previous] [her virgin] (Virginity) was worth than state of Virginia, (.) (Y)you can bed [with] her only after (the) pizzeria (.)(R)right now she got (she's got) a new service,anal sex,(.)(C) can i(I) call her (an) anal sexmania(c)?,(S)he (doesn't) aint trust condoms, because she is a sexual disease (.) [familiar, currently ](Currently) she plan(s) to market her figure in Romania, (.) (T)the rumors (she has for) neighbors say she is now (a) [AIDS] carrier, (.)(W)what make people call her miss Asia,? d(D)o you think because she is infected [by AIDS virus],[led peoples to] (People prefix(ed) her [nickname to] VIRUSSIA? (I)im so disgust(ed) [about miss Asia, a reason](lured) [lure me] to compose a poem (from her name) [VIRUSSIA].

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The subject is most worthy of a write.. This would be excellent layed out in a spoken word format verse a stream of conciousness one.. I think you have some wonderful lines in here.
I would be glad to help if you need it. i love breaking down things into spoken word
:-)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Um, it's good, but I think you should start each sentence on a different line... Just a suggestion. Overall it's pretty good :)

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on January 18, 2010
Last Updated on January 18, 2010

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emma-jao
emma-jao

dar es salaam, dar es salaam, Tanzania



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born 1991 more..

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