Lemon

Lemon

A Poem by black.butterfly
"

bittersweet flavour of life

"

Lemon


Since life kissed me on the lips,

it showed me the sweet taste of bitterness.

My sun went through an eclipse,

letting stars show the way to happiness.

 

Time knocked on the door, no hello.

It told me about the taste of goodbye,

saying hey, lemons are always yellow;

you have to taste to know the reason why.

 

It is the bittersweet flavor of life,

fresh, within my heart mesmerizing.

So splendidly Full of serenity and strife.

It is either devastating or tranquilizing.

 

© 2010 black.butterfly


Author's Note

black.butterfly
hi, so here's a new poem by me. I would appreciate constructive feedbacks. :)
enjoy reading.

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Reviews

AMAZING. =) I'm a fan. lol. The imagery is lovely. Not anything I would change, really. Thanks for sharing.
KH

Posted 11 Years Ago


Good work again. I really like your style.

Posted 11 Years Ago


This is a nice poem! Good job! =D

Posted 11 Years Ago


"Time knocked on the door", a time we all dread but always happens. You paint a perfect picture here.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Nice metaphor.. you've taken a bittersweet/sour favorite garnish and brought it to life here. Particularly loved the second stanza:

Time knocked on the door, no hello
It told me about the taste of goodbye
Saying hey, lemons are always yellow
You have to taste to know the reason why

This was highly lyrical to me.. fun with reality mixed.. awesome job!


Posted 11 Years Ago


By far enlightenment has touched you here Your best as far as I can tell so far Bravo .You have grown !!

Posted 11 Years Ago


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So I read this poem through a couple of times, trying to figure out what part of it was giving me a little bit of a hang-up. At first, I thought it was the rhyming, but I'm not a particular fan of structured rhyme schemes, so that wasn't it. I did notice that in the first stanza the a and b lines are also near-rhymes. So the next stanza through me off a little when a and b were no longer near-rhymes. Nothing wrong with that, just something I noticed. But I think I've found what gets me about your poem. I think your main metaphor is a good one, and the other images that you invoke don't bother me on their own. What you do have though, is a lot of big images. I'll give a list here: life, sun, eclipse (so multiple planets), stars, and time. Those are a lot of big images, and what I wanted to see was some contrast to those big things. Grounding is a good term. I wanted some images that were more tangible to a reader. It's not that I have any issue with the images you have, or how you used them, I would just like to see some details about the "me" in this poem to give it an added level of depth. I think you have a good poem here. What I suggested here would be something to explore if you felt like it. Maybe see where else this poem could go and expand to.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Don't change a thing. It's fantastic as is.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very nice. I really enjoyed this one, it was beautifully written and had a lot of good images and thoughts to it. Well done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I like this poem as is. I feel the same way as in your words. I work very hard and it seems I can't win. Poem is very good. I like your story and the ending was outstanding.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on April 18, 2010
Last Updated on June 26, 2010
Tags: life, poem

Author

black.butterfly
black.butterfly

somewhere in this world



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