The attic of my mind

The attic of my mind

A Poem by black.butterfly
"

Poem

"

As I climb this staircase, so high,
to the attic of my mind,
I say my melancholic goodbye,
stashing away what I don't want anyone to find.

With rusty lock in hand,
I stare at this old trunk,
I breathe to understand,
for my heart has sunk.

I bring them out once in a while,
the dreams gone with the dust,
go through the same internal trial;
I should. I could. I must.

I stare at the blue gardens from the windows
and the matching wide skies.
I stay here within the shadows,
inhabited by moths and black butterflies.












© 2011 black.butterfly


Author's Note

black.butterfly
Hello everyone!
Its been a long time since I have written anything, but this came to me and I had to share it. ^^
Enjoy reading.

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Reviews

This is very colorful and full of charm. I love the flow and rhythm. For not writing in a while you have captured me...hugs

Posted 10 Years Ago


And, I haven't read anything of yours in a long time. lol.

This poem is true to BB's style; dark with a bit of hope suffused with melancholy and a touch of loveliness.

One killer mistake: "for my heart have sunk" should be for my heart has sunk." Heart is singular, unless you are the Doctor. : )

Oh. One more thing,"I stay here with the shadows,
inhibited by moths and black butterflies."

"inhibited" by moths and black butterflies? Did you mean, inhabited?

And just stylistically, use, "within the shadows", unless you meant to be with them (next to them) rather than among (within) them.

nice write

Posted 10 Years Ago


this was just amazing work, so vivid and great, it's so surreal and picturesque, and i was just blown away by the sheer power of this one. awesome

Posted 10 Years Ago


Wow, reading this... you describe this place, all too familiar, very well.

As I climb this staircase, so high,
to the attic of my mind,
I say my melancholic goodbye,
stashing away what I don't want anyone to find.

It's a terrible feeling, stashing away heinous thoughts so nobody can see them.
I love it. Eerie and dark.
Very well done.


Posted 10 Years Ago


A very good poem. We all have the secret place for memories. I like this poem. I have letters, gifts and useless things except for me hidden away. I like how you told the story. I'm glad to be able to read your poetry again. Always purpose and strength in your words. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


A great poem you've written here. I like the message in it alot.

I think you can tweak your 12th line a little, It sounds a bit awkward when it's being read out loud. I'll suggest something like

"I could. I should. I must."

To me, it makes the poem stronger, leaving any doubt out of the poem. SHOULD HAVE sets the pace off a bit. That's just my opinion, though.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Nice...though work a lil on the second stanza.

Posted 10 Years Ago


lotsa shudda wuddas but glad y'did

Posted 10 Years Ago


I'm so glad you decided to post this... Perfect flow and rhyme and the last stanza adds to the intensity of the piece. Many of us can relate well.

'I stay here with the shadows,/inhibited with moths and black butterflies'

Brilliant!!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Excellent rhyme

Posted 10 Years Ago



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932 Views
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Added on January 1, 2011
Last Updated on January 4, 2011
Tags: dreams, self

Author

black.butterfly
black.butterfly

somewhere in this world



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