Maybe I Am a Monster Burning Down a Candle, But...

I am heading for a bit of a crash I think;
I can only live on cigarettes and coffee, and
Barely eating, barely sleeping, just replaying
Every night (how I dread the nights), and I can't
Seem to find an off switch anywhere, all my mistakes
Made over the last decade on a relentless repeat that
I can't seem to escape, and I'm holding onto a thread
Of hope that a meeting once a week is somehow going
To free me from this.. but how can I maintain my
Sobriety when the worst thing in the world for
A person like me is something I now have to
Take instead of something I want to take?

Sometimes it takes a shockingly short amount
Of time once you're outside of a situation
To see just how deeply dysfunctional
That situation is, has been, would
Have continued to be, and how
Changing the trajectory of
It wasn't just an option,
But an inevitability,
Even when doing that
Means breaking the heart
Of the person I love more
Than anyone else in the world.