Juliet's Exiled Smile

Juliet's Exiled Smile

 

 

your voice

was like a brisk wind

i felt the chill echo

in our breath

 

quivering, i closed my eyes

hoping not to hear your heartbeat freeze

against my longing skin

 

because i finally understood

the winter of us 

was anon...

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/29/16

Reviews

[Ruth]

Gave me goosebumps :) All I can say, stunning Jacob :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Poppy.

j.

[Baby Ricochet]

It's gone. It's terrible when that happens.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it is...thank you, Mark.

j.

[Pryde Foltz]

Yep ... superb write, Jacob. You did the bard proud:):):)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Pryde.

j.

[Bacchus]

I almost wished this was a senryu

i was hanging on the title, reading it over and over again...
those banished upturned lips. it was my favorite part.

i'd describe the smile... then when it winters we all would long for its return.
-B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Bacchus, appreciate your review...

j.

[Marianne Rose]

I love the title, which immediately brings the tragedy of the star-crossed lovers to mind. Romantic and tragic, I can picture a fall day, where there is no winter cold, until she speaks. An echo repeats, getting farther and farther away- this is the sense I get when the chill, brought forth by her words, causes breath, once a close exchange as before a kiss, to instead create such distance between you. Quivering brings to mind such vulnerability, one must close eyes not to watch the inevitable playing itself out. Juliet dies of love, but this heartbeat freezing against your longing skin would be the warm heart of love turning cold and unreachable. When the realization comes, unwanted, there is such wintry cold, the ending of a beautiful season of love coming too soon. Poignant, beautifully phrased, images that bring the chill to the reader, so sad, but somehow, so inevitable . . . Thank you for such a deeply felt poem in so few words.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for such an extensive and insightful review...

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Some relationships end long before the goodbyes cause we don't want to admit we failed at love.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

hard to admit, isn't it?

thanks, Dale

j.

[barleygirl]

Love this haunting little vignette, so recognizable, this "brisk wind" and "heartbeat freeze" . . . the last stanza is realistically abrupt (had to look up "anon"!) *smile*

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, barleygirl.

j.

[W.k.kortas]

Appropriate in its brevity and finality, and I felt a slight chill reading this. Wonderfully rendered stuff, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, W.k.

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this poem.
"because i finally understood
the winter of us
was anon..."
The strong description made wish to know and read more. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Coyote.

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Lydia Shutter]

A feeling of resignation....it is over and there is nothing that can be done. Sad, but somehow empowering. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lydi...i really hoped to express something similar to that, rather than just loss of all hope...

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Good! Glad I picked up on that.