an Atheist's love affair

 

an Atheist’s love affair

 

i am a dangling modifier

with nothing left to modify

a verb with no conjugation

as a pastor with no congregation

 

my will is assigned to a nameless estate

a numb poem given away

by a posthumous heart

that still beats

but with complete insensitivity

caring was once the subject of my sentence

 

but now i am semantically slain

a coffined connoisseur of poetic religion

 

a theatrical theme kneeling in a pew

praying for redemption

but apathy

is like an arthritis 

that won't let me get up again

 

i saw you just before the pause

captured by your fragmented nature

thought i could edit you into a fool-proofed love 

 

but intentions are often misplaced

and now i am an adjective with no future

 

and you are a past participle

slandering me with your run-on declensions

 

making me your perfectly written heretic.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/22/17

Reviews

[JackValor86]

"thought I could edit you into a fool proof love" nice. there's a number of dimensions to this poem, you pretty much have to read it more than once to absorb the whole thing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jack.
j.

[Lydia]

WOW, the metaphors here are amazing! Especially liked this one, "but apathy is like an arthritis
that won't let me get up again". Intentions are not always read as they were intended. Especially in electronic communication, words can be misconstrued. As always, a pleasure to read you. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Lydi.
j.

[Irenic]

a theatrical theme kneeling in a pew
praying for redemption
but apathy
is like an arthritis
that won't let me get up again

i saw you just before the pause
captured by your fragmented nature
thought i could edit you into a fool-proofed love

but intentions are often misplaced
and now i am an adjective with no future

and you are a past participle
slandering me with your run-on declensions

making me your perfectly written heretic.

it is

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for reading, irenic.
j.

[Norman223]

If semantic atheism means the rejection of hackneyed phrases and tweeting text , u got it in spades, Jacob.;-)
Most enjoyable and illuminating. Thankyou.
N.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Norman.
j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Just what I need the kind of love affair where the heretic writes poetry at Writer's Cafe instead of having sex.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha ha.....thank you, Al.

j.

[rylesconroy]

Absolutely love this poem and the grammar. Along with the excelled vocabulary. One of my favorite poems on this website so far. Great Job!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, ryles.
j.

[Ashwin Shanker]

I only wish I knew Grammar rules as well you do!
Most of these verses just went over my head. But I absolutely Loved the Title....
Would like your permission to use only the title, but for a differently themed poem?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you Ashwin....titles are not copyrighted....

you are always able to use them--

j.

[Mirror]

"but now i am semantically slain
a coffined connoisseur of poetic religion"

Some poets will see this as an enigmatic statement. But how true these words are.

This is a powerful write that hits the nail to the bone if any writer read this critically. And any reviewer too. :) Beautiful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Mirror...
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks a lot jacob ...now i have at least an hour making sure i know all the differences in the parts of speech you have whipped to your will ... ;}
Atheism is an intriguing study says i ..i am one who does not believe it is a possible state ... one must continually deny the ordered world of life ..even with disasters here and there .. something must replace the God spot ..we are simply made that way .. pushing disbelief to the brink and over it causes changes ... your metaphors are keen as always .. clever clever clever says i ... a glimmer of hope
" i saw you just before the pause" but alas ... seems conjugations have run amok for the damned :(((( what i like most of all about this poem is the traveling ever so concisely through the thoughts of Atheism ... as i imagine anyway! well done sir... well done indeed
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate your kind review, E.

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

This is wonderful poetry and I liked how you used the words.
"but apathy
is like an arthritis
that won't let me get up again"
I liked and I understood the above lines. Perfect ending to a outstanding poem Jacob.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Coyote.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.