storm window dream

storm window dream

 

 

 

the snow screams against my window

the icy stares of yesterday's love

now an accumulation of painful retrospect

solemn circumspect

 

i want to believe in breaks in the clouds

silence the screams

but the panes rattle the seams

of my heart,

and the white cold

burns the faith

to a hushed slush

of memory.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

3/3/19

Reviews

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

So many powerful
emotions,

we all can relate
to this in love with
painful memories.




the snow screams against my window
the icy stares of yesterday's love

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Benita,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Around the corner or be it through glass, cold can enter the heart without notice, its just a thin membrane but beware the frost bites!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such a clever metaphorical reply, my friend.
thank you.
j.

[Terra]

Very powerful words. I believe so many of us can relate to this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Terra...
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Warm breath on window makes you hope even more for for that break in the clouds with a prospect of warmth to melt those oh so cold memories. 'the panes rattle the seams of my heart', how good is that, love that description Jacob. Very cold imagery here, with a slight thaw detected.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Chris.
j.

[John the Baptist]

Sounds like solitary, painful reminiscence on a cold winter's day. The wintry weather's metaphoric connection with old and somber memories is very nicely done, especially the play on words about the "panes" rattling the seams of the heart. Also liked the indication that the weather burned the pain to a "hushed slush" of memory. A brief poem that says a lot with its imagery. Well done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your kind review, John,
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Your first line should be bronzed and I wish I wrote it j. Your brilliant, cutting metaphor, white cold imagery, and desperation of the expressive alliteration “painful retrospect..solemn circumspect....silence the screams...rattle the seams”- bring us into the storm of loneliness and longing that you poignantly convey here. The winter of discontent. So much more than Master Class. One to save. Thank you for this Sir Poet.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Annette,
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are so welcome j.

[kentuck14]

" want to believe in breaks in the clouds . . . " a very evocative line. It tells the tale of every man, woman and child, even. This whole poem is "chilling"--- not intended to be a pun! It would seem that looking out a window while looking out on a portion of life is a favorite mode for a lot of us poets. Looking beyond the physical world to the less obvious struggle of the soul. Yeah, life sometimes rattles the panes, slips thru the seams and chills us completely. But have you ever noticed that when we get close enough to the glass, trying to understand what's going on . . . we see the fog of our breath . . . it's like a message we tell ourselves . . . "It'll be alright . . . I'm still alive. I'm still in the game. Tomorrow when I look out this window the sky will be clear . . . I will see for a thousand miles."

Another thought provoking piece my Bard friend.
Tom

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Tom...
and yes, we see the fog of our breath...great to be alive!
j.

[kentuck14]

yes sir, it is!

[Crowley]

This is a perfect set-up for me at least, because there is something about looking out the window during a snow storm or rain storm that not only makes me emotional, but super reflective. To the point that I can be a bit disappointed if a break in the storm does come, just because I want to wallow in my misery a bit. Some great word use in here and great emotional content and identifiability. Loved it!!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for identifying....and for your very kind words, Crowley.
j.

[¿]

I think every reader of this poem loves the hushed slush...me included!
How finely you described a true fact dear Jacob....
Such memories are infinity in numbers and laying deep in mostly everyone's heart...at least in my heart....
True piece penned :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Tahsin,
j.

[syzygy]

'hushed slush', what a fantastic slant rhyme! Especially nice since it's unexpected.

Having now read a grand total of two of your poems, I have to say: you have excellent narrative control, and if you're working to bend the metaphor to the narrative I can't sense it in the writing at all. What a pleasure, to see a poem so short both tell a story and carry a metaphor with it.

Only thing I might say, and this is purely personal: I'm not sure if 'screams' should appear twice in such a short work. If it were me, I might use another word in the first stanza, especially since screams (mouth) and stares (eyes) feels a little bit mixed to me. But that's just my thought! I'm enjoying your poetry quite a lot.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

interesting you pointed that out about "screams"---i did want the second screams but had thought about it since i hate repetition of words even in a longer work...thanks for that..
and thanks for your kind review.
j.

[syzygy]

I figured you'd probably thought it through, but thought I'd point it out just in case. Glad to be of I-guess-we'll-call-it-service. :)