sanctuary's enigma

sanctuary's enigma

A Poem by jacob erin-cilberto


sanctuary's enigma

 

 

falling sideways

tie loosening its grip

on my fading white shirt's collar

i am losing my interest

 

the pew feels like a trap door that won't open

my knees are scraped and bruised

from too many genuflections of love

Church is the sanctuary

but my heart still feels accosted

and my fingers are turning white knuckled

from gripping your memory too tightly

 

Holy Water dreams

still splash into my current

like a lake swelling over its bank

i am doomed to be flotsam

 

i dressed up for you,

bought that suit

just to win your heart

but know now i should have rented

 

because the lease of our relationship

has expired,

and my emotions are scattered on the front lawn

 

i must find a hotel 

a place to stay for a few days

because this biblical place

feels like the Garden of Eden

flooded with so many tears

even Noah couldn't survive.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/13/19

© 2019 jacob erin-cilberto


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One wonders if the spiritual journey is a satisfying one, one should not be made to feel guilty but maybe the church does resort to emotional blackmail to keep the faith.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

yes, i think they do...but lately there is more reason to blackmail them, i think.
thank you,.. read more
Great poem, j, the loss of love, the biblical guilt, and an uncaring God, what's not to like, lol, I am doomed to be flotsam and I am happy that way

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your words, and relating to this, gram...
j.
Not ever being a church-going person myself, I don't need any frame of reference to be fully engaged in your message. Unlike other reviewers, I did not see this as a tortured relationship between two humans . . . I saw it as a tortured relationship between church & parishioner full of heavenly imagery tinged with caustic asides (love it!) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

i like your take on this, Margie...thank you for your insights,
j.
Don't most hotels have a bile in the draw? Yet, many drown in their sorrows anyway, don't they?

Good poem, Jacob.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you, No one.
j.
That Garden of Eden we would all relish, just didn't happen in this relationship. Such a disappointment. So much sadness here in these lines and you mention your faith and the church which are not providing you with any comfort at all. I get a true feeling of heartbreak reading you here. A deep love and an even deeper loss that can't be erased. Perfectly conveyed loss.

Chris

Posted 4 Months Ago


so emotive and universal these feelings ... teetering between Faith, hope and despairing ... when finally starting to come out of a deep loss ... I traveled to the Black Hills of SD to meet a young lady and enjoy the weekend ..I was looking forward to moving forward and relaxing for once .. bought my new "suit" .. had never done that before in my life for a date ;) I stopped by her place and said hello and we planned to meet at her favorite restaurant later...she never showed up, jacob ... :((((( about 6 months later she called me to explain ... and we actually became good travel friends ... visiting LA, New Orleans and beyond and are still friends today ... your poem sparked lots of memories for me ... especially appreciate the Catholic thread throughout ... deep love so hard to let go ..deep loss and grief to go with it can be overwhelming ... i am the flotsam when i read ... love the closing ..not even Noah .. wow! such honesty from a man with a broken heart ... bravo says i jacob ... your speaker reminds all that men have feelings too!
E.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for sharing your experience...and your kind words on the poem,
j.
Firstly, I was blown away to see your explicit reference to the Garden of Eden; as of course there is a religious theme here, but this was reminding me of a scene in Steinbeck's East of Eden, at Samuel Hamilton's funeral.

The lease of the relationship may have expired in the physical world, but until we cross the line ourselves, who knows in what ways the leases may be renewed... the suit will have been appreciated all the same. I'm sorry for your loss, I really loved this piece.
Laura

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

really like where you went with this, LauraKate...
thank you for your words,
j.
'.. because the lease of our relationship - has expired, - and my emotions are scattered on the front lawn'

Seems sanctuary and its chains aren't all it's made out to be. Perhaps what seems to be correct chokes the neat and tidy breath of reality, mainly cos it's not tailor made for the individual. Seems your attempts to conform has failed - maybe not wholly but to a place where escape seems the only answer.. or at least, the least painful one. Perhaps?

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your insightful words, my friend,
j.
I love this piece

I see a man falling for this holy side of his significant other - with such high expectations
He will go to her church - he will submit
And somehow it wont be enough

He will choose to rent that space somewhere else

I love the religious reference - shows this urgency for love

Wonderful !

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your insightful words, Lingering Soul.
j.
Gets a lump in my throat even though there is no excessive melo-d about a tale of estrangements and broken dreams. Nicely done cilberto.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your kind review, Aurora,
jacob
Aurora

4 Months Ago

Is your name Jacob? I have been calling you Cilberto, thinking the prefixes weren't your name. Will .. read more
jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

either is fine....

j.

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Added on June 14, 2019
Last Updated on June 14, 2019

Author

jacob erin-cilberto
jacob erin-cilberto

Carbondale, IL



About
Originally from Bronx, NY, I live in Carbondale, Illinois...teach English at two community colleges and have been writing and publishing poetry since 1970. Friending works two ways. If we have had .. more..

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