a Rhetorical Question

a Rhetorical Question

 

 

an ugly duckling day

turns into a beautiful swansong

sunset shimmers against pond ripples

slightly hungry fish play with surface bugs

 

breaking water as our drinks turn into wine

we drag on cancer sticks no coaster to protect our lungs

feeling the heat of life lessening

but the pain of our demise gaining strength

 

when the moon peeks above the trees

we stir with guilt,

colors turn grey

our hearts find no solace in nature

as our minds are racing on a dangerous track

 

if we crash against the end of day

what will we write to project it

on the slides made

to increment our lives

in livid pictures of poetry...

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/15/19

Reviews

[kitty]

'Livid pictures of poetry' well said, aptly in your descriptive words. I could just imagine myself on the banks of the River Avon, with all the trappings of your piece, watching the world and the clouds slowly drift by. Amazing where words put in such a way can take you places. Thanks for reviving that magical effect that is so needed when we are sweltering in GB! Cool glass of wine in hand ~ "Cheers!"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, and enjoy that cool glass of wine, my friend.
j.

[kitty]

we are getting cooler. hopefully the week end will be kinder for us to enjoy a berek.

[gram linski]

Thought the last 5 lines were great, the author sounds almost angry, the last line is class, almost like bruises appearing on the page

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review,
j.

[MomzillaNC]

"Livid pictures of poetry"

Excellent turn of phrase. IDK if it was your intent, but it's like poetry itself is displeased, seeking a heart to sooth the greying of Life.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oooh i like your response, MomZ...it is better than the poem itself.
j.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks… but it can't be.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Larq]

So deeply felt, I'm not sure what to say. At least words help us retain a little heat...
When the moon peeks over the trees...I wish for you...peace.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Larq...
i am at peace...just a poem...:)))
j.

[Larq]

Just well wishes anyway then. ;) I always love your writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

Your first stanza is superb. So much imagery in four lines, and what a
contrast as well. When hearts find no solace in nature, you are in deep trouble. Getting older sucks when you get to our age. The best recipe is to live each day in the now and not look ahead at all. Don't introduce what ifs to the cake mix. They don't taste good. What a journey you took me on.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Chris,
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Loved the word associations which switch about the allegorical picture in the first two stanzas. The final stanza indeed is a rhetorical one as each poet will find their own voice when they crash against the end of day.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, John,
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

The only type of question worth addressing.
How many times have I watching the swansong sunset over the sea...not enough.
I do like my wine...but gave up smoking for good 35 yrs ago...and I am at that age where life's time is winding down and I can but hope the slides or old Polaroids and a few scraps of paper are enough to leave when we crash against the end of day.

Perfectly stated my friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, and sharing...
j.