Heavy Mental

Heavy Mental  

 

 

drifting composure

(unsuspecting ducks on pond)

composing swan songs

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/5/19

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

So sad. Unsuspecting. It has come to the point where we have to be wary no matter where we go. A normal stop at a Wal-Mart can turn into a nightmare. Good play on "heavy metal"....because the shooters certainly were mentally ill. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lydi...appreciate your words, it's just so scary.
j.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

really profound, enjoyed this Haiku

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you....
j.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

not a problem sir...

[MCS]

beautifully layered and profound...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, MCS...
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

I agree with Annette here, j.
The day begin with a pleasant outing...no one thinking it will be anything but good...then the shooting begins and far too many compose their swan songs.

A brilliant write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Ted,
j.

[Lorry]

All calm on the surface, but underneath the surface of the water, feet flapping in almost controlled chaos.
Reminds me of another creature who wears a veneer of calm on the surface, for fear of being seen as emotional... Dread the thought.
Calm and composed words that reverberate Jacob. Not sure it's about poultry at all, but like where that took you 😀

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lorry...yes, not about poultry...
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

Quack!!! :))))))))))))))) i am pretty sure that composed ducks on a pond are totally unsuspecting .. forgive me but i must tell you my duck story ... when i was younger, ... much younger .. i was out hunting and came upon a flock of ducks on a stock pond ... it had trees and brush all around it but was way out in the middle of a farmer's field ..well as stealthily as i could i snuck up without ruffling one feather ... i could not believe my good fortune at having missed three times they still kept their composure ... short of it was they were decoys .. and not only decoys but my father's decoys borrowed by one of his friends .... totally embarassed .. i snuck back out of the field and waited for those decoys to be returned ... a few had a bit of rattling going on when i shook them but none were ruined ... at least i recovered some of my dignity having hit "something" ...:)))))))))))) love your closing line ... a meditative haiku ... brings me a certain calm and peace ... mmmmmmmmm creating swan songs
E.
ps. i never did 'fess up to anyone about those ducks :} should have at least told me Da right?! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like where you took this in a peaceful direction...guess it can go both ways...E.
thank you...
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ... some fine creative tension in the first two lines ... the "swan songs" tells me the ol' duck figured out/waited out .. the turmoil

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Excellent, profound Haiku J. The title, the metaphor...we are all ‘sitting ducks’ - “unsuspecting”..until the end. I feel this is about the shootings in Texas and Ohio. The “swan songs” are dirges- yes. Amazing write my friend. The country mourns again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you Annette...it is disheartening at best..
j.

[emmajoy]

Tis how it is for creatures big and small: a few moments' calm can only too often fluster abject panic. Your skill in creating a string of happenings with so few words is nigh unbeatable, j. As to your title.... !

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, em..appreciate your visit and words,
j.

[emmajoy]

Read again: the pleasure's even more mine - need some peace, truly do, and - you've gifted it, dear j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you, too, em are such a peaceful soul...I know we would get along very well in person....and be good friends...
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love this brilliant 😀 clever

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Julie..
j.

[Wondering Mind]

This is a Zen moment, captured in the Senryu spirit.
Slayed with sharp observation and being

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Wondering Mind...appreciate your words,
j.