closing shop

closing shop

 

 

 

a blue jay sang off key

and i breathed a last breath

the oaks above squandered tears

and the real rain became a dried gulch of apathy

 

squirrels celebrated

unbeknownst to what they were cheering

as acorns dropped from God's sky

at least that was the last sound that reached my ears

 

and then a few blades of grass turned brown

a cold wind choked the last of summer's warmth

the shades of life were drawn

and soon an empty house was covered in white prayer.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/10/19

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

love tha closing line sir! i am meditating on it right now ahmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! ;) there is a death inside these seasons ...as seasons most likely will continue their cycling .. there is a death wrapped in them as a coffin it seems ... tragic yet not .. at the same time .. brilliant says i! just brilliant!
E.
ps. your off key jay is arresting ..grabs me attention right away ... yeow! ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.
j.

[PaintedBirdy]

if a jay sang off key then something instantly is not right. a last breath indicates the death of something. "oaks above" to me resemble old wise men, i dunno why, but they do, and they squander tears, which means they waste their sadness. but you clarify that there is "real rain." goddamn apathy. that's what this is about.

i love the imagery of "god's sky." i actually had a band back in my teens with a similar name. i like how you end this verse with a sense of hearing. it seems insightful.

then imagery of seasons changing. "a cold wind choked" suggests the inability to say something. the death of whatever is obvious. "drawn" implies a conscious decision, or a conclusion.

white is often the symbol of death. white prayer, therefore is an interesting image. it seems holy. like the amount of loss is a good thing. i really like this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind and detailed review, Mondaine,
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

In this I saw both the approach of autumn and the approach of the great demise as the years fall away in the winter of out time here on earth.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, John,
j.

[Anne’sRants]

I like the changing of seasons parallel also. very suitable for this time of year. Everything is brightest before life is snuffed out, but spring will come again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh yes it will...thank you for your words, Anne,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

I got a real feeling here of both body and mind closing down to face the harsh realities of winter. Of lack of warmth I would go even further to say it also reminded me of death and a lonely one at that. Although autumn is the most spectacular regarding fruitfulness and colour, it is not good for my emotional state. I feel the onset of decay and sadness. I do suffer from seasonal sadness. Spring and summer find me at my zenith. That's where you took me Jacob with this wonderful free verse.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for taking the journey, Chris....always appreciate your visits immensely,
j.

[Tory]

Wow. This poem has so much to say about death and life fading away. I like the parallel you made to the changing of season to winter. Way to set the mood with the cold. I like :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Tory,
j.