she had

she had

 

 

razor sharp attention

flirtatious blade of a smile

i was a cutting interest

for her wandering heart

 

while mine bled out in lustful agony

red puddles coagulating

like tears stuck together

in a moment that passed

 

with impunity...

 

 

 

11/17/19

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Men aren't the only ones that love 'em and leave 'em, or almost as bad, lead 'em on and drop 'em cold. I have met these ladies before.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yep, you too...
thanks, John,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Too much sharpness by far. Romance needs some rounded curves and softness. I felt the blade here. Some are best left to wander off from where they came, to slice another's poor aching heart. 'She had', title an excellent choice, and in the past tense. Great writing Jacob.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Chris,
j.

[DIVYA]

“flirtatious blade of a smile”

Wow Jacob! You never fail to enthral your reader.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, DIVYA...i appreciate your kind comment.
j.

[Anjeline]

Wow ! It's really very nice. I also learned a new word- impunity. Also I really liked the use of coagulating. Didn't ever thought of its use in such a way. Anywhere other than my biology book :D
Also the story kind of touch has made the poem quite interesting, wondering abt such a story.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Anjeline,
j.

[Anjeline]

You're welcome :)

[David Klay]

This is so good. Made me smile with how well it flowed and its incredible display of creativity.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, David,
j.

[Carola]

an interesting poem, amazing how many people write about variations on love, love-lost, conquests etc. i'm not a romantic so i don't think i could write on that topic.
don't think a "wandering heart" would make for a life long partnership !!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it surely wouldn't...thank you for your words, Carola,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

A wandering heart is a nomadic life.
I am a Hungarian Gypsy and love Violin Music 🎶 which can be sad... but sensuous at other times. I suppose dancing 💃 would bring a wanderer to their senses.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

might just do that, Pat...just might.
thank you for your words,
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

You are welcome Dancer... signed Cupid ::::)