Inappropriate Postage Due

 

Inappropriate Postage Due

 

 

 

devil's drapes

sinfully see-through linen

 

moonshine in the gut

moonshine on the girl

stamped as s**t

anger assails guilt

ephemeral relationship built

on the glut

of need

will ne'er succeed

 

she has snuck out before dawn's light

knowing there will be no

male call

the ensuing night.

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/20/19

Reviews

[Jimmy Yetts]

That "quiet desperation" often manifests itself in self-injurious ways.
"Any port in a storm"--whether wine or fleshy docking--inclines us to lifelong carrying of guilt.
"Inappropriate Postage Due" starkly portrays personal human tragedies as it also reaffirms traditional
morality.
Not bad for a couple of richly-metaphorical paragraphs!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think your comments are more poetic than the poem is.
thank you for your words, Jimmy,
read morei think your comments are more poetic than the poem is.
thank you for your words, Jimmy,
j.

[Christine Anne Shaw]

A relationship built on the glut of need, will ne, er succeed. Reminds me of a couple of tarty girls that went to my school. Boy they were lusty wenches, who were desperate to be serviced. Everyone knew who they were and who they'd been with the night before. News spread like wild fire. I hung on to my treasure :))

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, that kind of news does spread just as fast as....well, won''t go there!
thank you, Chris.
j.

[drew garner]

I think this is a great piece, deeply felt and relatively complex for the scale: word count. I love the imagery and language specially "devil drapes" which is a fun couple of words.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, drew,
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

Right off the bat, I love the title.
Quite the story here j. I picture a young girl, too young to be out at night actually, though that seems to be the norm these days, dressing in her sexiest clothes, the ones she hides from mama, sneaking out the window for a good time.
He is out too, with a gut filled with rot-gut whiskey, a nose for trouble and hormones elevated to danger levels. His anger for women needs a target, and she, guilt ridden and keeping to the shadows and wearing the accidental bull's-eye has no concept of the pain ahead.
The only male the nest day will be wearing a uniform and knocking on mama's front door.

Good write j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

o really like your response, Ted...finishes a story so well...
j.

[DIVYA]

It’s over way before the night. It’s something that needs to be concealed from the daylight. That’s why she slips away. Nothing lasting can stem out of some thing so murky and fleeting. It has impermanence stamped all over it. You always have such words, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful review, DIVYA,
j.

[kentuck14]

The loneliness of the world falls on us like a heavy rain . . . often we take any shelter we can find . . . even those whose roof might leak!
T

[jacob erin-cilberto]

absolutely true, T.....absolutely..
thanks,
j.

[Doodley]

Giving into lustful longings, with a stranger, if only for a night to rid ourselves of the pain that the reality brings. I can't speak from experience but i do know it happens quite often and invariably as you have described it here; in its state of drunken recklessness. There are many ways to escape our woes and this is perhaps the most heart breaking one. No male calls or, female calls in our case, indeed. Quite sad.

"Sinfully see-through linen"....an excellent description that one. Another wonder from your pen, Jacob. Full of realism for many.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your understanding and insightful review, Doodley,
j.

[barleygirl]

Your poem reminds me of how rickety people seek rickety people for a momentary escape from their ordinary routines. When guts & s***s roam, they're not looking for desirability. Any stretch of human touch, slightly on one's own longing wavelength, will do! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are such an insightful reader, Margie...astute...thank you for your words,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

"no male cal" huh!? ;) what is that girl planning??? me thinks no good will come of it ... great moon stuff sir! a huge story in a snippet of an alleged trollop :))))))) those middle lines 6-10 are mwahvelous in my opinion .. great use of the language .. and in those lines the folly of action born of anger and guilt ... fine stuff me friend ... as always such a worthwhile read :)
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your positive review, E.
I thought this one might get kicked to the curb.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

crazy how that works eh!? :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

always our own worst critics, i suppose.
anyway...thank you, my friend.
j.