an incident

an incident

 

 

 

armies of wedding crashers

the rice is sold 

to kamikaze crows

blackening the sky

rain on the vows

 

the nest is built

the nest is a precarious home

in which hearts dwell

on the split ends of time

 

a follicle of love

falls,

a child screams

 

the war is an expressive

consequence

 

when there is nothing left to throw

and the service is a voluntary

excursion into madness.

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/10/2020 

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

People don't take vows seriously, one day its love then its a divorce war of the roses style or scenario. Where is the lasting love over all things difficult in life? No its lets start over with someone else instead seems a easy option and besides its the only one party that pays more for it money wise which makes it easy for a less or non paying contributor to quit. Anyway its a well staked out write J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, not "till death do us part"
but "till the first major hurdle"
" You say goodbye and I say hello, hello hello, I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello."
the Beatles knew something.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

indeed they explain it better lol.

[barleygirl]

As a troubadour in my youth, I sang at a fair number of weddings, despite my inherent disbelief in the convention. Your poem expresses how all that pretty bullshit looked to me, sitting on my church pedestal crooning "whenever two or more are gathered in His name . . . there is love." And that was before I became hopelessly jaded (the last 4 Trump years) *sigh!* Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

My first wedding we had that Paul Stokely song sung for us.
The magic died...and record got stuck.
j.

[Ruth]

The reality is that more of late I see these omens more compared to happiness...maybe times have changed so much such things seem deemed to fail more...incredible imagery Jacob, as always...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your understanding words, Ruth,
j.

[Lydia Shutter]

A rather bleak look at "wedded bliss" here. I liked the metaphor of hair....split ends. Yup, marriages sometimes end up split. Then there are others that last till death do they part. An excursion into madness? Hell, sometimes I feel as though this pandemic is the nation's speed train into madness. I can hear the whistle blowing! :) Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, on the latter, as I think of my folks...70 years...
I, too, hear the whistle blow...
read moreYes, on the latter, as I think of my folks...70 years...
I, too, hear the whistle blow...
thank you, Lydi,
j.

[.]

Kamikaze crows blackening means a bad omen. Vows of rain that is it only predicts some outcome of misfortune
But the third stanza is most painful with regard to marriage....a very vey sad and troubled one
.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Dreamer,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Kamikaze crows at a wedding are not a good sign. When there is nothing left to throw in the nest, the marriage is well past its sell by date. A child's screams means there was collateral damage. This was painful to read Jacob. It must have been hell to experience. Superb piece of writing. Dramatic imagery and so much hurt.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Chris,
j.

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Such an extremely powerful, heart-wrenching piece of work here! The mention of the crows, especially with how nerve-wracking and foreboding they can be added a lot. A dark poem, with perfectly chosen words that I loved.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Colacat,
j.

[John the Baptist]

It sounds as though the honeymoon was over quite quickly. The crows at the wedding is a foreboding symbol. The "nest" seems to have been a difficult place, the falling follicle of love and the child's scream suggests the tension affected others besides the two principals. It does seem to have been a war, which reminds me of why I waited until middle age to marry.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I should have waited that long...
thank you for your understanding review, John,
j.

[Corset]

families unmade by the beds we lay in and lie , daddy will be home soon, I'll be home by Christmas my love etc...wars make liars of us all.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, they do. Thank you for your words, Corset,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

so powerful .. love the mix of metaphor and allegory .. the hair falling .. sheesh! as the child screams .. strong transition form split ends of time to follicle of love .. an incident .. a small space of time and focused ... to this huge scene of present and coming disaster .. so grey and dark .. i always love the crows .. such a strong omen .. and yours are kamikaze ... sheesh! that scene from the "Birds" ...we try our best to make a safe place .. but as in all things life is really quite delicately balanced and we can so easily loose all...
"the war is an expressive
consequence" .... seems to be true .. studied rats will only tolerate so many in a confined space and they will turn on each other .. sorry, jacob .. i am kind of dissecting your poem .. but its what i do ..especially when there is so much meat in them .. peace and joy brother!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for this proper dissection...I am always fascinated where readers travel when reading a poem.
I appreciate your words, E.
thank you, much.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ........................