Refining the Declining of the Silver Lining

inspired by Bunny's Thanksgiving poem and Margie's reply to it.

Refining the Declining of the Silver Lining

flutter fickle discombobulation

inner thoughts swirl awhirl twilling

killing empty exposed expunged exiled heart

fists slam bam whap slap

desk pesky keys not prone to 

write the blight the fright the plight

of those crying dying prying

into cases of faces in places

desolate, templates initiate regurgitate

of the failure to heed the need to concede

prayers notwithstanding

there is a portend to extend the mend-

ing of what is truly worn torn borne

by all of us, as we discuss fuss cuss

god at the close of day

we find ourselves in such disarray

so far away

from what we used to be back when we used to be

what we used to be.

erin-cilberto

11/28/2020

Reviews

[Connie L. Kuntz]

I appreciate the rhythm and sounds of this poem. I love the ending: when we used to be what we used to be-- BEAUTIFUL! Resonates down deep!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Connie,
j.

[Lorry]

Channelling Margie, Jacob?
Having a bash, before the crash,
resulting from interfering with her stash?
The day I write an end line like that is the day I'll retire my pen, paper and keyboard.
And a belated (I think) thanksgiving to you all🦃

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you so much for your words, Lorry...
yes, a bash before the crash.
ha ha

[jacob erin-cilberto]

do you think Margie minds?

[Lorry]

Nah, she's probably got more than one stash 😊

[John the Baptist]

Yes, I can see Bunny's influence here. I think he first alliterates, then breathes. Have not read his poem or bg's response to it, but I get the impression it is kind of an elegy for times past. The problem is maybe we weren't what we were when we used to be.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we probably just thought we were...wow, that is a lot of "were's"
thanks, John,
j.

[Patricia]

Great flow loving the strings of word choices and all in something very serious. Love it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Pat,
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Interesting adjectiveness (smile). Glad you're having fun with that. Every day is a good day and God is good all the time, that's my belief. Of course, some people couldn't be happy no matter what. Nice word play.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, no matter what...i totally agree...never happy.
thanks, Fabian,
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such wordplay to consider our demise into aged torpor and the agnst of lifes brutal realities

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, John,
j.

[barleygirl]

This is bone-reverberating! Wow! This might be the most passionate I've ever seen you write, altho you have ripped off a few lately that go zinging across the page in a blaze of passion. This is stunning, in a chopping-us-all-down-to-size way. You & Rob are so on the same wavelength as far as being tortured by the details of what's going down day by day. Thanks for throwing it down like a knife (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for this really kind review, Margie,
brother bunny is comrade in pen, but reading your wordplay really inspired this as well...I don't do it like you two experts...but I can at least try my hand at it once in awhile.
j.