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Senryu

Senryu

A Poem by jacob erin-cilberto

Senryu

 

 

love is a clipped wing

crawling across a rainbow

the colors limping

 

 

I am a haiku

not fit for nomenclature

just absorb titles

 


when mortality

wore too many syllables

they buried the vowels

 


 

sentence drastically

parsed according to E.B.

took all the fun out

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/16/22 

© 2022 jacob erin-cilberto


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Reviews

These were great. The first one is my favorite. But "The Elements of Style" is still a strong force along with the AP Stylebook for journalists. I had just posted a senryu so the title drew me in. I hardly ever do "form".

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

Me either...I like senryu and Haiku every so often, but other than that...form evades me.
Tha.. read more
Have read these senryu several times J. The first and third I enjoyed particularly. The fourth one shows my ignorance as EB doesn't mean anything to me. I am a huge fan of senryu and Haiku because so much can be said with such economy of syllables.

Chris

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your words, Chris,
j.
Thank you for introducing me to the senryu! I especially love the lines

When mortality
Wore too many syllables
They buried the vowels

I have absolutely no idea what that means, and I love it. It is something to chew on, and ponder, and disseminate. That is what a good poem does. It strikes you with words that linger and make you think. Your poetry is always so deliciously multifaceted!

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind review, Zoe,
j.
I am a haiku
not fit for nomenclature
just absorb titles

I love this one, This is so good...
love all these but this one stood out to me

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you, Beckie,
j.
I loved the first one, I identify with the second, the third one is brilliant and the fourth one I have to defer since I’m not familiar with E.B. White (I’m assuming that’s who you are referring to) I know the name but not familiar with the writings…I know-shame on me :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

He is one of those grammar geeks...books on it...thank you for your words, Patricia.
j.
If you poll 3 poets you will get 5 opinions. :)
I like your grouping they do not distract but convey some passing thoughts.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

so ditch the lines in between them?
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Ada
You are juggling a lot of different themes that aren't flowing so seamlessly in this one...poem really clicked for me at the 3rd stanza. Nice write

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you, Ada...actually, these are four separate senryu....not meant to be one poem...they ended u.. read more
jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

Thank you, Ada...your review really helped alert me to make a change. I split them up...
I had to jump ahead to this anxious to read it after seeing the title. I think you're trying to say something here. I'll ignore the first one because it is excellent! Where I wish you'd do notes is on the last one. The only E.B. I can think of is E.B. White. Is that who you were referring to? The 3rd one is also excellent. Life is definitely lived in more than 17 syllables. The second one really struck home because I just did a lot of research on Japanese poetry and they have so many names for some things that seem to be the same things. Confusing! You hit my nail right on the head with these!!!

Posted 4 Months Ago


M. J. Smith

4 Months Ago

Could be Elizabeth Browning.
jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

E.B.White, yes.
thank you for your review, Bill.
jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

Yeah, notes...not for me...I want readers to have the leeway to connect to the poems however they do.. read more
Ah, haiku! The perfect snapshot in words. You string them together so nicely, like beads in a necklace. Well done, Sir.

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your kind words, M.J.

j.
You're so creative with words, it's quite amazing..I loved all of these, play with words, but my fav one id second from last "when mortality wore too many syllables" only you could think of that...
Best, B

Posted 4 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

4 Months Ago

thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.

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Added on January 16, 2022
Last Updated on January 18, 2022

Author

jacob erin-cilberto
jacob erin-cilberto

Carbondale, IL



About
Originally from Bronx, NY, I live in Carbondale, Illinois...teach English at a community college and have been writing and publishing poetry since 1970. I am here to read for inspiration from other po.. more..

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