Senryu

Senryu

 

 

love is a clipped wing

crawling across a rainbow

the colors limping

 

 

I am a haiku

not fit for nomenclature

just absorb titles

 

when mortality

wore too many syllables

they buried the vowels

 

 

sentence drastically

parsed according to E.B.

took all the fun out

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/16/22 

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

These were great. The first one is my favorite. But "The Elements of Style" is still a strong force along with the AP Stylebook for journalists. I had just posted a senryu so the title drew me in. I hardly ever do "form".

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Me either...I like senryu and Haiku every so often, but other than that...form evades me.
Thank you for your kind words, Fabian,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Have read these senryu several times J. The first and third I enjoyed particularly. The fourth one shows my ignorance as EB doesn't mean anything to me. I am a huge fan of senryu and Haiku because so much can be said with such economy of syllables.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Chris,
j.

[Zoe Richardson]

Thank you for introducing me to the senryu! I especially love the lines

When mortality
Wore too many syllables
They buried the vowels

I have absolutely no idea what that means, and I love it. It is something to chew on, and ponder, and disseminate. That is what a good poem does. It strikes you with words that linger and make you think. Your poetry is always so deliciously multifaceted!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind review, Zoe,
j.

[Kim S.]

I am a haiku
not fit for nomenclature
just absorb titles

I love this one, This is so good...
love all these but this one stood out to me

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Beckie,
j.

[Patricia]

I loved the first one, I identify with the second, the third one is brilliant and the fourth one I have to defer since I’m not familiar with E.B. White (I’m assuming that’s who you are referring to) I know the name but not familiar with the writings…I know-shame on me :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

He is one of those grammar geeks...books on it...thank you for your words, Patricia.
j.

[Cherrie Palmer]

If you poll 3 poets you will get 5 opinions. :)
I like your grouping they do not distract but convey some passing thoughts.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so ditch the lines in between them?

[Ada]

You are juggling a lot of different themes that aren't flowing so seamlessly in this one...poem really clicked for me at the 3rd stanza. Nice write

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Ada...actually, these are four separate senryu....not meant to be one poem...they ended up kind of connecting...but weren't necessarily meant to...
Each is its own.
I appreciate your read and words,
thank you,
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Ada...your review really helped alert me to make a change. I split them up...

[William Michael Reeves]

I had to jump ahead to this anxious to read it after seeing the title. I think you're trying to say something here. I'll ignore the first one because it is excellent! Where I wish you'd do notes is on the last one. The only E.B. I can think of is E.B. White. Is that who you were referring to? The 3rd one is also excellent. Life is definitely lived in more than 17 syllables. The second one really struck home because I just did a lot of research on Japanese poetry and they have so many names for some things that seem to be the same things. Confusing! You hit my nail right on the head with these!!!

[M. J. Smith]

Could be Elizabeth Browning.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

E.B.White, yes.
thank you for your review, Bill.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yeah, notes...not for me...I want readers to have the leeway to connect to the poems however they do as individuals...
I am never trying to make a direct statement...
to me, poetry belongs to the readers once the poet lets it be read.
And it seemed you related to these in some way...that is the most I can hope for.
j.

[M. J. Smith]

Ah, haiku! The perfect snapshot in words. You string them together so nicely, like beads in a necklace. Well done, Sir.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, M.J.

j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You're so creative with words, it's quite amazing..I loved all of these, play with words, but my fav one id second from last "when mortality wore too many syllables" only you could think of that...
Best, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Betty,
j.