Duel

 

Duel

 

 

 

you approach me

with your vendetta eyes

looming distantly,

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

you say nothing

just wave a dark grimace

in my direction

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

you empty your gun of its emotion

bullets riddling my heart with confusion

a profusion

of animosity in my direction

as if some indiscretion of mine

was cause

 

alarmed by the fire in your vendetta eyes

I shoot tears in your direction to douse

to rouse the animosity

from its cause

all I did was love you

 

but now I lay dead

incompetent to love again

too unnerved to respond

a corpse

of course

of cause

 

of some indiscretion of mine

that caused your reproach

as you approached

reached into your arsenal of bitter

 

and my only weapon of defense

a repeating rifle filled with words

that just deflected 

off your love proof vest

just because.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/20/22

Reviews

[redzone]

you must know my second wife, Jacob.... she was one wild and crazy woman and I was her moving target...I guess we all know someone like this, the problem is we shouldn't have married them.... lol.... anyway, I love your poem Jacob and feel it's pain.... if only some of those words you used had not bounced off.... but then we, your readers, would not get to read such heartfelt poetry...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Curt,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

'all I did was love you'

Some people are givers, that is you J. Givers seem to suffer more. I think the repetition here works particularly well and the metaphor is excellent as is the poem.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for not being tired of my metaphors, Chris,
j.

[Andrew John]

I like your use of repetition here. I know I've used it myself once or twice, and it can be rewarding, as yours is here.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Andrew,
j.

[LJ]

You went beyond marvelous wordplay to the heart of a difficult matter - the animosity felt from a loved one that seems unexplained and certainly unearned. Words sometimes do get 'deflected' 'just because' yet as for the content, the story here, I'd say there will be another chance. And the technique used, the repetition and alliteration and more, you did really well! Maybe it's time for a reading aloud.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, LJ.
j.