November 2nd, 2010

Dear World,  

     So, to continue my heart-throbbing story of the Girl and the Tumbleweed, I guess I must say that I really hope I'm getting all of this right. I may be mixing up the order of stuff but I guess that's okay because I hope and PRAY that he will NEVER read this. That. Would be. Awkward. I would not be able to explain myself...  

    After I left that dance, he texted me saying "You are too epic not to have in my life". I was practically in tears. Doubleyou.tee.eff. Screw him.   I'm not sure if I replied to his messages. All I remember was feeling incredibly pissed. It was all so unfair.  

    Tumbleweed and the girl were together for about two months. I recently re-discovered an exchange me and my girl-friend (The one Tumbleweed had totally fallen for) had on Facebook during that time. I put in "Tumbleweed" in as his name and "Chika" in as his girlfriend's. I kept everything else the same, grammar and all:   _________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Friend: Ahahahahaha *Tumbleweed* does have a girlfriend and its *Chika*! aAHAHAHAHAHa god thats freaking funny!  

Me: AHAH HA!!! Told you!!! I was right! Well, not about her name but you know those freshman... They all look alike...  

Friend: that like totally made my day! sad thing though...is another hotter girl will walk by and bam he will dump her...for the hot chick!  

Me: Exactly!!! Bahaha! Now I just want to get really famous so he'll think to himself "Dear doughnuts! I coulda had HER!!!" To which I'll promptly respond to by useing him as a runway for my private jet.  

Friend: ahahaha love your thinking! I shall join you! but yet he STARES AT ME EVERY FIRST PERIOD! he's eye cheating on his girlfriend :O what a shocker!! NOT!  

Me:My gosh *Tumbleweed*! This is unacceptable... Gouge his eyes out with scissors and tell him to keep his eyes to himself!!  

Friend: ahahaha I SHOULD! jeez, he stares at you too! you can join mee!  

Me: Lol you can stab his eyes out and I'll pull his hair out and make him eat it... [insert evil look here]  

Friend: lol ewww you has an evil side! hahahaha thats kinda funny!  

Me: Haha I'm an Eeeveel Guinuises! What do you think of *Chika*?  

Friend: ehh, shes okay I guess! I dont know here all that well, but jeez to go out with him! she needs help!  

Me: She needs her eyes checked! He's got "Bad news" Written all over his forehead...  

Friend: oh yes, I agree! hes too much of an a*s..to be loved by anyone   Me: I agree whole-heartedly!   Friend: you should help her out :p  

Me: Lol *Hands *Chika* a pair of scissors* Do with them what you will... I suggest the eyes....  

Friend: lol then she will be like "oh! but his eyes are sooo blue..i cant look away!" ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

     So, as you can see, neither one of us was happy for him or nice about it. I'm not defending any of the mean stuff I said here. Like I said when I started this blog, I'm trying to be completely honest.   

    In this conversation, I think I was trying to put up a brave front. Well, not really brave. Just mean. I just didn't want her to know how strongly I felt towards him, especially since she hated him. Now, reading back over this, I feel kinda bad. But there's this little niggling voice in the back of my brain that says he deserved it. Ehh. He's a jerk-wad. But I was being a whiney girl so...

    Oh, I was angry. But not enough to hate him completely. I couldn't really tell my friend, but I still really liked him, despite all the violent things I said I wanted to do to him (And believe me, there is still the occasional moment where I would like nothing more than to run him over with a lawnmower).  
 
    I was mentally ninja-kicking my face every time I asked myself WHY IN THE HELL I still had feelings for him. I felt like some crazy twitter-pated schoolgirl. I was so confused.  

    I didn't hear from him for a while after that. There was the occasional text message or Facebook chat that would leave me completely sobbing my eyes out. Not because he said anything, but because I was sick of feeling so dramatic about the whole situation.  

    Seriously, I've had more drama with this boy than with most girls I know. I've probably lost way too much sleep over him, too. I'm not really sure if any of the drama is caused by me. I'm sure some of it is, but I'm not sure how much.   

    It's almost sad. I still have very strong feelings for him. Now, of course it's a little more understandable (I'll explain a little more in the next letter) but it still makes me feel lame. I keep getting this image of an elderly person sighing "Oh, young love." Yah, well, I don't think it's really love. Love is to complicated a feeling to just be throwing it around. Maybe if something happened, it could turn into love.... But I may never know. And that's just how it is.  

Love, 
       Me