Revelations

It will mean something different to everyone who reads it

Revelations

By: Ethan West

I walk amongst this bitter place

The pictures hang my face on high

To see what was beyond my face

Would take more than sweet natures' cry

And yet, in morrow I debate

My voice like teardrops to the wind

Could life itself be in my hate

My hate forthcoming from within

I stand to fight the hall of mine

Each picture ripped from dusty space

Each joyous sound in steep decline

And every sorrow on my face

Till I yet find the one of mine

That has a smile from his face

Perhaps it would but give me time

Time to finish off this space

Yet in my heart I know him false

The me I see in picture nigh

And in this circle I will waltz

The picture hanging from on high

Till once again the picture gone

And this sorrowed hall I then commence

To rip apart the battered throng

Of me and me I banish hence

And if I'm lost I did not care

I did not heed my worried tone

The scattered me was shattered there

And in this battered hall a throne

And in this chair there bore a light

The light which served to aid my fate

A light which bore me greater blight

And sealed me in with my own hate

So here I stand before you now

A broken, barren bitter slate

But in my eyes I now see how

To maybe free what I create

And in this circle I'll arise

And in this though I will begin

To pray with all my heart of lies

That this poem shall find it's end

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[David Michael]

I see why you like this one.... It is quite exquisite! I think that's a great word to describe it. Compared to the other two I've read (and this was much longer), there was hardly a bump in the rhythm - fourth stanza, fourth line, and the very last line of the poem, both are missing a pickup syllable; and stanza 6 line 2 is a bit strange. But otherwise your flow is impeccable, and despite a strong meter and rhyme, it doesn't come off as sing-songy. Beyond the mundane of syllables, the word use is wonderful, the alliterative play and tasteful repetition of concepts very effective. Some favorite moments: "The scattered me was shattered there / And in this battered hall a throne". How stanza 5 line 4 brings back the second line of the poem. Stanza 8 - all of it - it's quite fun to read.

The one complaint I can come up with - and I had to wrack my brain for something - would be a little more punctuation in spots. This goes for all your poems, though thankfully the lack doesn't usually confuse. But for instance, stanza 6, did you mean "To rip apart the battered throng / Of me[,] and me I banish hence"? I feel like there should be a comma there, but it's possible you mean something very different from what I was reading. Anyways, just a thought. The poem itself is a favorite of mine as well :)

[ewest1220]

That's a good point a comma really should be there. Past that I'm really quite thrilled you enjoyed this and I love your translation of my work. I'll have to take a look at my other works to see if anything like that pops up. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me feedback on these I'm absolutely thrilled you enjoyed my work!

[David Michael]

I equally love being able to actually enjoy someone's work! I often get asked to look at stuff, and always try to give great feedback. But it's rare I actually get to enjoy what I read. So thank YOU :)

[Cosmic kid]

"So here I stand before you now
A broken, barren bitter slate"
Very desperate good job :)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm thrilled you enjoyed this!

[Thomas Reilly Thornhill]

Yet another flawless poem

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[Eve]

Could life itself be in my hate
My hate forthcoming from within

hate begets hate, love begets love, smiles beget smiles. this was a very emotionally moving poem, so I'd say it hit the mark nicely.

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

[Coyote Poetry]

A poem to create thoughts. Hard to pin down life and reason.
"The scattered me was shattered there
And in this battered hall a throne"
So many roads to chose from. I believe we must do our best to be kind and hope for a good ending. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[ewest1220]

I agree, it's very hard to pin down life and reason. I'm glad you enjoyed it man thank you so much for reading!

[Serenity Faith]

Just wow...The emotion that comes from this poem, hits you in the gut. To start anew...it's a rather hard thing to do...Very nicely composed. ^_^

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really thrilled that you liked my work!

[realmwriter]

I liked it from the first line to the last. There is no lull, no point at which the reader would rather shoot themselves than continue to read. It is just great. I like the bit of "old school" syntax and sentance structure. Even the title catches ones eyes and becons them to read this amazingly well written work.

[ewest1220]

Well I'm really glad that my writing doesn't make people want to shoot themselves! lol Thanks for reading man I'm glad you liked it!

[Rhea752]

*Jaw Drops* wow. the flow was great. the word choice was great. the story was great. everything about this poem was GREAT!!! it kept me enthralled the whole time. i absolutely loved it!!!! :)

[ewest1220]

*My Jaw Also Drops* Wow I'm really thrilled that you like my writing! Thank you so much!

[Timeless-Chan]

I stand to fight the hall of mine
Each picture ripped from dusty space
Each joyous sound in steep decline
And every sorrow on my face

really like this:) idk if it's because of the meaning or because it just flows so well but it's really good:) A+++!!

[ewest1220]

Woo! A+++ that's like the best grade I've ever received! I'm really glad you liked it!

[~Sara~]

Wow.. This poem stole my heart. Your words are like a warm sensation.. I don't know how to describe it..

"So here I stand before you now
A broken, barren bitter slate
But in my eyes i now see how
To maybe free what I create"

Keep up the greeaattt work! :)

[ewest1220]

Wow I'm glad you liked it! :) Thanks for reading!

[BrynnaW.]

I love that some people can connect with this poem. Maybe not with the entire thing but with little bits and pieces. Another magnificent poem with such emotion. Well done and keep on writing!

[ewest1220]

Thanks!