A Brief Moment of Relapse

A Brief Moment of Relapse

By: Ethan West

Make silent the bleeding heart of mine

Wherein my mind's eye you rest

While watching my heart I became myself blind

To all but the beating within my own chest

But within crushing blow my heart stands alone

In fickle fury I all but can't hear

And like a king that's thrown away from his throne

My sorrowful soul has grown ever near

It cries out to me, it yearns to be heard

Cries out to the blackness within my own chest

It wishes free air, like a caged, helpless bird

It wishes to feel, and be put to the test

But alas alas I am stranger to fate

Resistance to love is all that I know

And as I succumb to this broken state

I smile, as this is the end of my poem

Author's Note

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reviews

[Lizbeth]

Another lovely poem! I just loved the subtelty of the last line, that kindof gives the reader a feeling of relief that not all was dark and gloomy ... :)

Would just like to see less capital letters at the beginning of sentences and a bit more punctuation, perhaps?
Loved the use of the words "alas, alas" (maybe a comma between? which underlines the accenturates the helplessness of this love story.
In that same line, think that should be "a stranger."

Great poem, thanks for sharing,
Lizbeth

[ewest1220]

Another good point. I think I meant to type "a stranger" I'll fix it ASAP thanks again for your input Lizbeth it's always a pleasure!

[astronaut]

I like this, and it almost reads autobiographical...Even though it's short it has a lot of emotion and truth and for that is very unique. Good job and keep writing. :)

[ewest1220]

Thanks! Once again I'm thrilled you liked my work!

[Pax]

the ending was a clever idea to end the poem, i smile at the end..
good job

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[Irvette Dauphine]

this poem is full of emotion and dark
you always write dark poem or story
yea, dark is your type
i like it :)

[ewest1220]

Ya dark is diffidently my style :) I find that it's more comfortable for me, feels more natural. Anyways thank you for reading I'm really glad you liked it!

[The dark story]

rrrreeaaaaalllllllyyyyy your poem always touches my heart.........the very first line of the poem is so touching and filled with heavy emotions....each and every line of this poem is sorely meaningful.....

And as I succumb to this broken state
I smile, as this is the end of my poem
...this line carried me to the bottomless ocean of emotions............my words are proving very weak to appreciate your work..but i can only say...this just great...hats off to you!!!!!!i really love reading your works

[ewest1220]

Wow! And your words, what ever ones you choose to give me, are alway fantastic thank you so much for reading! I'm thrilled that you enjoy my work!

[The dark story]

:D.you are always welcome

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

It is like a return to yourself. A forced return, when you are observing only the bleeding of your heart and you struggle against your heart's desire.
You reminded me of one of my favorite quotes in my youth:

Ah, Love!could thou and I with Fate conspire
To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire
Would not we shatter it to bits - and then
Remould it nearer to the Heart's Desire!

Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem!

[ewest1220]

Your welcome thank you for reading it! I'm really thrilled that you enjoy my work!

[T. Logan]

You seem to like the topic of love. Most people do. This is really beautiful!

[ewest1220]

It's interesting you say that actually because my book has much more reflective work in it. However you are right I do find a lot of my inspiration in love. Because love is one of the few things I cannot bring myself to understand... But anyways thank you so much for reading and I'm thrilled you enjoyed my work!

[Rhea752]

I LOVE DA POEM!!!!!!! :P

[ewest1220]

lol thanks!

[Kevin S.]

I really like this poem! The ending made me want to snap my fingers in applause like they do in those cafes. Really good!

[ewest1220]

lol do they still do that at cafes?

[Kevin S.]

I don't even know. But they should!

[Owlgirl]

Wow! The ending is what made it, great job!

[ewest1220]

I'm actually really glad that the ending turned out because I wasn't sure what people would think about it lol I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

[Justin Flume]

This is really good E.
I must say that you my friend is a really good writer.
Still getting that feeling of gutpunching and handjobs here.

This really is f*****g spectacular.

100/100

Your Friend N/A

[ewest1220]

thanks! Glad you liked it!