Childhood Story

I no longer believe

I saw my father cry for the first time. Not once in the previous seven years of my life have I seen as much as a tear roll down my father’s cheek. But the day it happened was the first time I saw someone cry so hard and the first time I saw puddles the size of the ones my dad’s tears created. Just like that I knew it was over.

            It was September 13^th 2007 and the school bus just pulled up to my house to let me and my sister off. What I saw that day was not normally what I saw when I got off the bus in the afternoon. My parents were standing on the front porch together with four suitcases; we were headed to the airport.

            My grandfather had just had a heart attack and we were going to North Carolina to visit him in the hospital. My grandfather was mine and my dad’s favorite person. As a kid my dad helped out a lot on their farm and was practically glued to his father’s side. Me being his first granddaughter, I held a special place in his heart. He never did have any daughters so I was his little princess.

            The thoughts of losing him ran through my mind until we pulled up to the T.F Green airport in Warwick RI. At the moment I became petrified, I had never been on an airplane before and I was really scared of heights. I wanted to see my grandfather but I was not sure if I was willing to get on a plane to do it.  After an hour of screaming and crying and a dose of Nyquil, we were headed to Charlotte North Carolina on a three hour flight.

            We touched down in Charlotte at around midnight and were picked up by my dad’s brother, which no one was ever to ecstatic to see but that’s another story. After getting our luggage and trying to fit it in the car, I pretty much passed out for the hour long drive. It was nearly 1:30 in the morning before we got inside the house and into bed but even as a sleepy child I remember seeing the puffy redness of my dad’s eyes before I drifted back to sleep.

            The next morning I did not appreciate being shaken awake. All tired and groggy I put on the clothes that were laid out for me and crawled into the back of the van. On the way there all I could think about was seeing my grandfather again and bringing him back home where he belonged. I did not realize that I was not prepared for what I was going to see.

            Walking through the door the scent of sterilization hit me hard. I could not stand the smell for as long as I could remember but today I was going to push through it. Walking into the room I was expecting balloons and flowers and sunshine beaming through the window. I expected to find my grandfather sitting up in bed and cracking jokes about my height but it was not like that. It was dark and dismal and the sunshine from outside seemed to disappear. My favorite person in the world looked close to death, lying on a cold stiff hospital bed. It was in this moment I knew I know longer believed in God.

            I was infuriated by what I saw, my grandfather being treated like he was nothing. I could not find any justice in the situation. If God wanted the best for people, why would he take away the person who made me the happiest?  If God planned out everyone’s lives, why would he plan something so awful? I remember running out of the room crying and never looking back.

Author's Note

Please review. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Reviews

[Skywatcher]

I could feel your pain in your words. There are no better words written than from the heart. And if I may say, even though the loss of a loved one is hard to bare, it is not unbearable. It's the kind of scar that makes you stronger. I am not a religious man myself but do not loose faith. Nothing comes our way we can't surpass.

[Fallen king]

This is such a deep story that deserves to be heard. especially the 7th paragraph, that's where my levels of being intrigued finally revealed themselves. I am sorry for what happened, and I do hope that you find your way in this world.