Shirley's Sonnet 130

A friend jokingly asked for a sonnet to put on her gravestone, and I threw this together in pretty much exactly 20 minutes. I'm sorry Shakespeare.

My Shirley’s eyes are nothing like the sun

Coral is far less red than her blood red.

To end her plight she went and found a gun

And put the barrel up against her head.

I have seen roses damask’d, red and white

But no such roses see I on her breasts.

To save her loved ones from a grisly sight

Closed casket was her path to final rest.

Her family members speak, yet well I know

She’d rather hear a far more pleasing sound.

Death metal ought to guide her leaving soul

And blast as she is lower’d into the ground.

Tonight will I exhume her from her grave

And f**k the bullet hole that’s in her brain.