a ferard love story

it is a story about two gay man named Gerard way and Frank iero

hi my name Gerard way and this is the story of how i found my lover Frank iero .
it was winter morning picture this the snow is falling light on the tip of your nose at the bus stop and out of nowhere a boy appears his small and breath taking and then he is right next to you.
so this boy you ask is my frankie my love my life and my muse here is is the bus ride we had.
when the bus came to our stop he asked may we sit together i said yes and we talked and i found out he was gay i looked at him and said no way me too he said no way so we made out the whole way there  as the bus came to a stop in front of the school way both had all the same classes together so we played around under the table in chemistry he had his hand in my pants the whole time playing with my c**k  i moaned to loud and got a look from every one the teacher asked what is going on back there she said in a loud voice frank took his hand from my pants and said i kicked him the teacher said i will see you both after class
and after we got yelled at we where sent home and we got dirty in my room him inside me was awesome i give him the blow job and with that my dear people i leave you to think about that  with what  i have told you .

                                             good bye gee and frankie       

Reviews

Well I definitely think this should have been rated Mature, you wouldn't want a younger audience reading this.... Just keep that in mind when you post this type of content.
Well I have no objections against gays or your story but the way it was delivered.
I agree with Jim, I would revise this. Using proper grammar, punctuation, etc. It makes it easier as well as being courteous to your readers.
Don't give up on writing, keep practicing, you will only get better....

[Chantel]

In my humble opinion...this disgusts me. You know they're each married, right? To women? And have children? Just saying...and yeah I also think you should have rated it "mature..."

[CharlesMonroe]

Lol this is great, and it deffinitly made me laugh XD but I agree with Chels about the mature rating thing XD
I love this though, just awesome ;3

[Samantha Heaton]

Haha, Im not really one of those people to be all strick and say "This is wrong that is wrong oh and so is this" I understood the words and all I have to say is Im cracking up.. This is funny to me lol, Just because my bestfriend is obsessed with the singer Gerard Way and Im gonna show this.. XD Good Job this probally made my dayXD

[stars are far]

nice ...

[London]

i'd definatly revise this a bit. maybe expand on it some

[:DI laugh too much:D]

Fan-fics are always interesting to some degree, but... I have to agree with a few other people who left reviews, I don't like it either. there were a lot of grammar mistakes, you couldn't tell who was speaking, and there were a lot of run-on sentences---- there were only 2 periods. and this definitely should've been rated Mature, it's really inappropiate for general audiences or even teen audiences.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Rate Mature for this piece, please.

The run-on sentences with little punctuation and capitalization made this slightly difficult for me to read. The subject matter is well-thought out and interesting. I think once you make the changes, if you make them, then this will be a much more interesting read. Great effort!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

This is quite full on, it is however made for a more mature audience, revise your grammar and spelling and you have the makings of a good story, but be brave and remember that there is a younger crowd reading your work so be aware at all times, well done.

[Destiny S.]

AHHHHH, U LIKE MCR TOO! I'M A DIE-HARD FAN!