Third.

Third.

A Chapter by Fede

He didn't know how he fell asleep and how she left the place. Immediately, he rushed to the balcony but didn't see her. He called her name many times but no answer came to his ears.

For a moment he thought it was all a dream. It wasn't. 

He remembered she left a letter. He tore apart the envelope and to his surprise there was a letter and a Polaroid picture. It was her kissing him goodbye while he was sleeping on the ground. 

He grabbed the letter and a bittersweet feeling of weakness seized him. He sat in the couch and decided to open it. Berenice folded it in a  simple way to keep every word out of the sight of the one's who are not meant to read it.

It wasn't as long as he wanted it to be.

Aiden. 
You're a nice boy. I could feel you loving me despite that we've met today. Your eyes saw something that I can't be.
 I can't love you as you love me. 
I'm beggining to like you, that's why I left. There's nothing you can do but forgetting me. There's also something else you should know. Before today, I used to break hearts for fun. I thought you could be a nice prey but it all ended badly. 
You fell for me like nobody else did. That innocent love made me fragile. I couldn't make you suffer longer than this. I broke hearts for fun and now mine is broken. Call it karma, call it fate, I can't do this anymore. 
Sorry.

Her handwriting was flawless. He couldn't hold his tears anymore. They started seeping in the letter. He tried to dry them off, the ink got wet and most of her words run from the once white sheet of paper.

Time had passed before he decided to read it again. He thought it could've had a hidden message of her whereabouts. It didn't. 

"I don't ever want to love again" he said while he helped himself some vodka.

That night, he drank half a bottle of vodka, listened to his saddest record and wrote about it. 


© 2014 Fede


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Reviews

The love that is mentioned in the letter is not supported by the last chapter. Love is a strong word and it has to be supported by scenes that will make the audience believe that there was really love going on. To me, based on the first three chapters, they are only trying to get to know each other and i didn't see love there. Maybe liking, but not love. Though of course, you can definitely have it improved. Maybe insert some more scenes that will make it believable that there is really this love going on between them. I'm not really a good writer. I'm speaking from an audience's point of view. I don't even see the reason why he had to cry. They just knew each other. Maybe emphasize more on how they happen to fall in love with each other.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Another interesting but short one. Really try to lengthen your chapters a little bit. Again, spacing and indents. Keep writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on April 16, 2014
Last Updated on April 16, 2014
Tags: story, short story, fiction, jasmine, petals, love


Author

Fede
Fede

Argentina



Writing