Part Five

Part Five

A Chapter by Flame DM

“My question only pertained to the beginning of the story, Mr. Briggs,” she said interrupting herself once again.

          Everything in front of him, the cow, his brother, and the vampire, were ripped away from his mind as soon as the words My question uttered out of her lips.

          “I know,” he smirked.

          “Do you have an answer yet?”

          “Did you explain about your eyes yet?” he countered, lightly chewing on his pen. He was enjoying himself and was almost tempted to take off her chains, but he wasn’t too far gone to do such a stupid thing. His brother neglected to tell him his cow was sucked to death instead of shot, but when he pondered on the idea it made sense. According to Louie, John and even the vampire, she was close to snapping in the farm.

          She smirked at his comment. “Why are you so fascinated in something that has nothing to do with you?”

          He shrugged. “Its human nature I suppose. But I do have a question about your sire.”

          The vampire sighed. “What?”

          “He raped you, I understand that, but why did he wait ten years to do it? I didn’t know your kind could be so patient.”

          “I don’t know,” she growled. “And personally I really don’t want to remember that. I may be a monster but I was human when it happened.”

          “Is there something about your sister and you that would cause him to wait ten years?” he asked ignoring the anger in her voice.

          Her face tightened and her golden eye twitched. “This has nothing to do with what I asked, Mr. Briggs! I’m trying to be reasonable but can we just get off the subject! Please!”

          He chuckled, “You have to forgive me, I’ve never encountered a vampire like you, and I probably will never get the chance again to have this little interview. How did you resist biting my kids?”

          She sighed staring down at the ground. “I almost didn’t, and everyone knows it. And I told you how, I sucked on my own blood like a whimpering baby.”

          “How were you able to survive so long without even tasting human blood?” he mused on the thought.

          “The first few months were hell,” she said, her face was deflated. Briggs assumed she gave up on resisting his questioning. She was more human than she gave herself credit for. “There’s this primal instinct we have and it’s unbearable when your first turned. I don’t know how I survived the first day when Dactylius dropped a dead body in front of us. Luna didn’t. I guess I was still in shell shock on everything that happened. I didn’t speak, and barely moved, for the first two weeks, but I doubt anyone could blame me.

          “After you get by the first couple of months it’s easier. You can handle just about anything unless you’re starving. When you’re starving then it’s almost as hard as when you’re a brand new form of hell.”

          He nodded. “Alright, so when you left the barn, why did you think it was going to be the last time you would have human contact?”

          The vampire just took a deep breathe. “I believed Damian or Luna was going to kill me. I was going to stop Damian and figure out why he wanted your kids, but I knew he was going to end me. I also had the option of trying to defy Luna once again, which I would do, and face something worse than what I faced the last time. Either way, I was going to do what I could, and die in the end. It was as simple as that. The Boogie Oogies in the world always win, it’s just the way it is.”

          “And that’s when Louie followed you?” he asked.

          She nodded, “I didn’t know at the time though. If I did I would have dragged him back home, it would have made things a whole lot easier than they turned out.”

          “Louie’s stubborn. He would have just left again as soon as you were out of sight.”

          She laughed. “He is like that, isn’t he?”

          The room fell silent as the vampire dropped her gaze to the floor. “Do I really have to go on?”

          “If you want that answer, you do,” the vampire hunter chuckled.

          The vampire looked up at him, her gold eye twitched in aggravation. Or atleast, he liked to think it did. “I didn’t get to see my sister’s expression right after she found out what I did. I’m sort of glad I didn’t. She must have killed a couple of vampires that decided to say the wrong thing when she found out. Luna’s cranky when she doesn’t get her way. All I know was that she was heading my way when I was heading hers. At the time I didn’t know. If I did, I might have planned things out a little better. If my sister was pissed enough to leave the throne I was in deeper waters than I believed I was in earlier…”

 

 

To be continued…

 



© 2008 Flame DM


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This chapter was okay, but I have a problem with it. I feel like your main character was about 16 or 17 when she was turned, which is why she is still attracted to teenage boys. If I am correct then the answer about her rape is self explanatory. "He raped you, I understand that, but why did he wait ten years to do it? I didn't know your kind could be so patient." Because that would make her a small human child when he met her. Perhaps he is a lot of things, but not a pedophile. There are some grammatical errors, but I gather that this is still rough.

My only other issue overall is that at 500 years old, your heroine would be very wise and mature. Not sure if she would still be into the teens as much.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This chapter was okay, but I have a problem with it. I feel like your main character was about 16 or 17 when she was turned, which is why she is still attracted to teenage boys. If I am correct then the answer about her rape is self explanatory. "He raped you, I understand that, but why did he wait ten years to do it? I didn't know your kind could be so patient." Because that would make her a small human child when he met her. Perhaps he is a lot of things, but not a pedophile. There are some grammatical errors, but I gather that this is still rough.

My only other issue overall is that at 500 years old, your heroine would be very wise and mature. Not sure if she would still be into the teens as much.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great job!
I know you requested me to read this part, but I had only read part one when you did...so I read up to this.
And I'll keep reading, too! The overall story is coming along very well. It has good development.
I have one overall suggestion.
At the beginning, when I read the first part, I wasn't that compelled to read on, to be frank. The story didn't grab me quickly enough. I think you need to begin with more action or more intrigue. You, of course, are the judge of that.
Other than that it was a great read.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

adding more scary innuendo might make it better but bravo

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The vampire just took a deep breathe. "I believed Damian or Luna was going to kill me. I was going to stop Damian and figure out why he wanted your kids, but I knew he was going to end me.

Instead of saying "The Vampire just took a deep breathe" I would just say: She took a deep breathe. "I believed Damian or Luna was going to kill me. I was going to stop Damian and figure out why he wanted your kids, but I knew he was going to end me.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Another good addition, albeit a short one. Still, I feel compelled to keep reading.

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on June 20, 2008
Last Updated on November 13, 2008


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Flame DM
Flame DM

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Hey! Not sure what to really put in my about me, but I'm just gonna wing it, so everyone just bare with me. I don't really give out my real name, sorry, buuut that's just the way it is. You can know m.. more..

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A Chapter by Flame DM



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