As I swing

As I swing

A Poem by Jason

 

Under the firm oak
Where squirrels burrow
And the shade forms a cool spot
-I swing
 
Admiring the setting sun
And the scattering birds
The spring clouds gathering color
-As I swing
 
Soft sounds of the rocking rope
Rubbing against the strongest limb 
Reverberates a slow and steady creak
-As I swing
 
My feet dangle
Over fresh green grass
That connects with the pastures
-As I swing
 
The air must be sweet
That is If I could breathe it in
But damn this rope that squeezes my neck
-As I swing

© 2008 Jason


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Featured Review

I understood right from the start what this was about...
The gentle setting, words you used presented an ending that was not 'forced', if you will.
This person was ready to take this step, no fight within his soul.
The lovely words used about "admiring the setting sun", "soft sounds", "the air must be sweet"...
This person made this choice willingly; yet at the end he finally "saw" the beauty that always surrounded him.

You wrote it simply, not offensively...through the eyes of the 'one' leaving.
Celia


Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I understood right from the start what this was about...
The gentle setting, words you used presented an ending that was not 'forced', if you will.
This person was ready to take this step, no fight within his soul.
The lovely words used about "admiring the setting sun", "soft sounds", "the air must be sweet"...
This person made this choice willingly; yet at the end he finally "saw" the beauty that always surrounded him.

You wrote it simply, not offensively...through the eyes of the 'one' leaving.
Celia


Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

the ending supprisd me, it is a nice piece of poetry

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

wow it seemed so peaceful. that is an amazing poem!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Wasn't sure at first if the ending would be as it is or you were just enjoying a lovely day on the swingset - either way - great poem. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well now thats what I call a twist... It shows regret as this person chose to take their life now realizing the beauty life can hold... Very well done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

For a minute there, I was thinking that this is a great poem that doesn't involve death. It really caught me off guard by the end. I thought you were talking about a child the entire time and then the end just blew my mind.

Lovely work.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

EEwww....surprise ending. It seemed so childlike and innocent at first........nice twist.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That last verse sure paints a grimy picture, but other than that, the poem is very tranquil and impressionistic. I love the way you ingeniously blend the atmosphere of nature into the work.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh wow... This one is just... wow... The ending was so unexpected and I absolutely loved it! As I started reading it, I felt tranquilized as I imagined all of these descriptions, thinking foolishly that you swinging of one of those playground swings... but then, you cleverly sneak up on me with pure excitement as I realize this is a suicide poem. You're good, buddy... you're good. ;)

Thanks so much for sharing! It had a great twist in my head. ^^

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This reminds me of "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Gilman. There's the outside message, but then at the end there's this eerie feeling that the narrator just hung himself. I like it though.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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21 Reviews
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Added on April 17, 2008
Last Updated on April 18, 2008

Author

Jason
Jason

Pasadena, CA



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