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A Beautiful Revenge

A Beautiful Revenge

A Poem by Zoya

A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole.

Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak!

And once it so happened,
Her make-up-kit vanished.
Accused a servant of the crime,
Whom she straightaway banished.

Years passed the same way,
She didn't change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit.

Ready to take some action,
To his family he bid goodbye.
Set for the widow's house,
An eye for an eye.

He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite.

Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched.

On seeing her former servant,
Mrs.Cole gave a loud cry.
Then shouted in a squeaky tone,
"Oh my, oh my!"

The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife.

"Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair."

© 2018 Zoya


Author's Note

Zoya
Nonsense, maybe.

My Review

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Featured Review

I wouldn't say it is nonsense, this is my favourite poem so far on Writerscafe.org. I haven't been on this website for long, about a week or less, but I really like this poem and I find it really catchy. I'm not a professional, I'm far from a professional, but what I can say, is that this poem is BRILLIANT. The way it rhymes makes this poem even better. It is really catchy, (for the second time, I can't help but mention).
The poem is really long, but I didn't care, I was wanting to find out what the attendant was going to do to Mrs.Cole. I'm in love with this poetry which I call a masterpiece. I think you should write more like this, I love this poetry to bits. I REALLY wanted to find out what happened to Mrs.Cole, which was the thing that made me careless about how long this poem was. I was interested since the beginning. Quite a good poem, Zoe.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you much for your very kind words. Really appreciate it!



Reviews

I really enjoyed this. Made me smile as i read. The character conveying is on point and the story seemed effortless. If you have a chance, check out my work, i would love to hear your thoughts.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Glad to know you enjoyed it! Much thanks. I will soon check out your work :)
A beautiful revenge...beautifully written.
Written in good way.I enjoyed it.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Priyanshi! You are appreciated :)
Priyanshi

2 Years Ago

My pleasure.
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Gee
Enjoyed the tale, for me though Zoe the cadence was off in places.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

No doubt, it was. I'll see to it. Thank you, Gee. Appreciated! :)
Gee

2 Years Ago

My pleasure
This is so good a satire. Liked it a lot. Keep 'em coming this way.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

I sure will. Thank you so much, Suhd! :)
Poetic stories are always interesting. this was very well written, and i cannot wait to see what more you have in that mind of yours. at age 14, don't let the world hinder your writing; keep writing and keep improving and never be afraid to write what you want to write, need to write, and just fancy writing. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you much for the motivation. I really appreciate it! :)
J. B.

2 Years Ago

absolutely. check out some of my stuff if you could when you get a chance to :)
Zoya

2 Years Ago

I sure will! :)
"A widow full of vanity,
Was the identity of Mrs.Cole.
Who from her late husband,
Inherited his fortune whole. " - I noticed that each line is a new sentence. Often times I find that it's not intentional. If not, it might serve you well to go through and make sure that there are only capitols where you intend a new sentence to be since it effects the way the piece is read and interpreted. Otherwise, I really enjoy the flow and tone thus far.

"Living in a huge bungalow,
With servants at her feet.
Oh what a narcissist she was,
A total beauty freak! " - again, you have a good rhythm going here, it's very interesting.

"Years passed the same way,
She didn't even change a bit.
While the dismissed attendant,
Plans of revenge he knit." - Just a personal nit-pick, I would remove 'even' as I felt that it interrupted the flow a little bit.

"He stood outside the bungalow,
Under the moonless night.
Placed a ladder against the wall,
Fire of revenge did ignite." - 'moonless night' is a great description setup for violence. I loved that.

"Climbed up quietly and prudently,
With a knife tightly clutched.
Joy bubbled inside him,
As her room's window he touched." - Very good word choice. I love the images you've set up and the story so far. It almost sounds like a dark nursery rhyme.

"The predator inched closer,
Flaunting the sharp knife.
"Stop!" said the widow,
The deceased Mr.Cole's wife." - Again, I love your descriptions. 'Predator' is a great word.

""Move forward another step?"
She continued, "Don't you dare!
Kill me only when,
I'm done settling my hair." " - I love the ending here. It was such a fun piece to read. It was a clever turn of events that she was more afraid for her hair than her life, great characterization.

Overall, I loved going through this, you did a fantastic job here. I was excited from start to finish. Well done. Keep up the great work!

-Rynn

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the detailed review, Rynn! Glad you liked it! :)
Zoe, I love it. While it seems a bit too dramatic until the end, it absolutely works in this poem. "A beautiful revenge" is perhaps exacted upon the would-be killer when interrupted again by the woman, still full of vanity, even near death. Nice work!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you much, Mr.Ray. I appreciate it! :)
you tell a great story mam,,have a merry christmas

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you, wordman! Merry Christmas to you, too!
This is a cute story - the design of the piece reminds me of my Poem Silent W***e - I like the visuals you give us and enjoyed the last line, even if it was totally out of theme to the rest of the poem :) Well done X

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much. It means a lot! :)
This is surprisingly funny. Very well written. You are a very good writer, don't stop, keep writing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zoya

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Avia! Appreciated! :)
Avia

2 Years Ago

Always a pleasure.

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2176 Views
39 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 6, 2017
Last Updated on January 11, 2018

Author

Zoya
Zoya

India



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