She Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

A recreation of 'I wandered lonely as a cloud' by William Wordsworth.

She wandered lonely as a cloud,
Through the night so dark and chill.
When suddenly five men in shrouds,
Encircled her; she just stood still.
They seized her, ignoring her pleas,
Tears were shed, she fell to her knees.

Laid her flat, those freaking swines,
And on the poor girl did they prey.
Her skin exposed, she continued to whine,
Until they called it a day.
Dignity shattered, she went into a trance,
The silhouettes stood up, at her they glanced.

Cold winds blew and tree leaves swayed,
All five of them ready to flee.
When one took out a nasty blade,
Stabbed her, wanting to set her soul free.
She bled, and bled; with Death she fought,
But alas, it's a pity, she died on the spot.

Her body lay reeking under the sky,
lifeless, useless, bloody and nude.
Mother Earth had shiny tears in her eye,
With her fury abound, she concludes:
“To commit such a sin, how dare you even thought,
You'll never be acquitted, in hell you'll rot.”

Author's Note

Can't deny, this is what happens excessively around the world nowadays; a 'little' more excessively in our country. Please feel free to share your opinions/leave comments. They are much appreciated.
Also, if you haven't read the poem by William Wordsworth, here it is:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Reviews

[θεά]

From Wordsworth's Daffodils to this gritty, grimy fall of Man. How powerfully expressed the horror and suffering of a helpless woman in the hands of her perpetrators. Heinous and vile, if there is indeed any justice in this failing world, Mother Nature's wrath would be intolerable. Very adept piece of work this is.

[Zoya]

Thank you for your worthwhile words here, Mallika. Appreciated!

[Priyanshi]

Daffodils...a wonderful poem....along with your your poem too.
Loved the work:)

[Zoya]

Thank you, Priyanshi! Glad you liked it!

[Priyanshi]

My Pleasure:)

[.]

A brutally realistic theme, Zoe.

I am not really a fan of poems that are 'take-offs' of pre-existing works even when they are extremely well done as this one is. Your theme and the language throughout did not really need the work of Wordsworth to guide its rhyme and structure. By all means have your sources of inspiration, but don't fall into the habit of producing 'take-offs'. It undermines your true talent and creativity.

That aside, there is no doubting the truth, brutality and realism of your theme. That such incidences like this happen on a near daily basis in this day and age is truly tragic and a blight on our development as human beings.

A nicely conceived, inspired piece. Forget Wordsworth. Always be yourself with pen and page.

[Zoya]

I totally understand what you're saying. I'm not really into such poems either. I just thought I should write this. But I did realise, it's not as fun as doing an original poem. Thank you much for your concern and time, Doodley. I appreciate it!

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad story but I did like the ending. Mother Nature seeking revenge for abuse of the girl. A powerful poem. You left things for the reader to think about. Thank you Zoe for sharing the powerful and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

[Zoya]

Thanks a lot for your kind words, Coyote! Means much :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear friend.

[jennyhannb]

Laid her flat, those freaking swines,
And on the poor girl did they prey.
Her skin exposed, she continued to whine,
Until they called it a day.
happy wheels apk.

[Najam Us Saher]

You never disappoint me with your talent. The poem Daffodils by Wordsworth is a very fine example of romantic poetry which gives happiness and pleasure to readers. The poem you have written is totally the opposite which is an outstanding contrast between these two poems. I appreciate the effort you have taken to write about such evil issue in our society. This is a poem that needs a larger audience so that in any way it can change the society. (One can just hope)

[Zoya]

Thank you very much, Najam. Your comments are much appreciated! :)

[Zoya]

Also, I'll hopefully do a bit more better with my next poem. @Emipoemi helped me understand the musicality thing, which this poem lacks. Had to mention that! Thanks again :)

[Najam Us Saher]

You are most welcome.

[Suhd]

This really hit the strings. This happened over here lately and the whole nation is still mourning. She was just seven and they brutally murdered her. Her body was found in the dump.
I really like what you did here, giving it your voice. God bless!

[Zoya]

That's so terrible. But again, it's nothing new. This happens almost everyday in our country. Some people are such a disgrace to have as fellow citizens.
Thank you for your ever so kind words. I appreciate it! :)

[Suhd]

Couldn't agree more. You're most welcome :)

[Farhan Shaikh]

I think writing is your gift...you write well and this is one of the best

[Zoya]

Aw, thank you, Farhan. Means much! :)

[DoormanDan]

I could definitely feel the inspiration behind this piece. It's very well written. It's organized, leaves a strong impact, the opening and ending lines carry out their respective jobs proficiently, and it has a poetic vibe to it. The only thing that suffered slightly, in my opinion, was the flow of the piece after the halfway point. Up until the end of the fourth line of the third stanza ("Mutilated her, in attempt to set her soul free", the piece had a consistently fluent flow to it. That one line doesn't roll off the tongue like the rest, though. Other than that, this is good stuff.

I hope my review helps, even if only slightly. Keep on writing!! :)

[Zoya]

Thank you so much, Dan! I changed some words in that line. Though I think there are other lines, too, that required to be shortened, I can't cut them short enough cause I guess I won't be able to form the image in the readers' mind's eye.
Thank you again. I appreciate it! :)

[wordman]

well you matched his wit word for word

[Zoya]

Thank you much, wordman! :)

[wordman]

welcome zoe

[emipoemi]

This is a rather horrific take on the Wordsworth poem (such is one of my faves of his by the way). You reference certain beats rather nicely, but where this falls flat is in musicality. Scan Wordsworth's poem, and you'll see that it maintains a certain musicality throughout, which yours attempts but has too many words to pull off. Poetry is all about painting an image with only as many words as needed. And yes, these wordy lines are needed for their respective images, but the musicality can't carry over them, and so although the poem itself is good in its narrative and imagery, the musicality (which in poetry is really important with respect to the quality of the poem; the most important factor, in fact) falls flat. Best to attempt to maintain the rhythm and flow throughout the poem, that way our ingenue would not have died in vain. Good Start. It's always fun to take off existing poems. I do so myself on occasion. My poem entitled the Phantom Memory, for instance, is my -ish take on "She Wondered Lonely..." (it's actually a reverse glossa, where I take existing lines from a certain poet and begin each stanza with them).

[Zoya]

I totally understand what you mean. As you did say, these verbose lines are quite necessary to paint the image, hence the musicality is not perfect. I'll try to cut the lines short.
Thank you so much for the detailed review! I appreciate it :)

[emipoemi]

You're very welcome. My pleasure.