A Perfect Day

She rang the doorbell to her new boyfriend’s house and stood in anticipation with her back to the door. All of it was so dream-like for her. Perfect boyfriend, perfect relationship and yes, a perfect day for their first ever date at his house. All was fine with her life after a painfully long time.

A dork like her didn't deserve him, so she believed. His youthful charm would send each girl at college into a trance. A complete bugbear for the boys, but can’t deny it, their expressions around him only reeked of reluctant admirance.

And then he approached her, completely out of the blue. She was shocked. She pinched herself several times only to find him standing still, grinning from ear to ear in front of her.

She was pinching herself even now. This can't be real, this can't be real. But it was, saddeningly so…

She heard the door unlock and felt a presence behind, knowing it was him. And then she felt his hands on her waist, bringing her in for a back hug. It was so warm. She knew she could stand there like that forever.

He retrieved a hand.

No, come back, come back here.

The other hand suddenly tightened its grip around her waist. Something was wrong. She turned around, only to catch a glimpse of a man wearing a black mask. It wasn't her boyfriend. Before she could shout for help, he covered her mouth with his gloved hand and lifted her above the ground with the other. She kicked her legs into the air struggling to set herself free. Hard luck. He carried her, and when she was too hard to handle, he dragged her; dragged her into that dreaded four-walled dwelling from which chances of escape were scanty.

Perhaps it wasn't a perfect day after all.

Reviews

[JamieDarke]

Hi Zoe ... Considering your age this isn't a bad effort. Some phrases like jumped out as slightly odd as I read ie "bathed in anxiety ... the sole north pole of a magnet in the entire college campus; the others mere, self-effacing south poles ... face requesting an answer ... She threw her legs and hands wildly." Less is more in writing and such flowery prose does little for this piece.
Even so I believe you have talent.

[Zoya]

Thank you much for the feedback! I'll surely take your suggestions into account.

[Riddhi]

I liked the way you have put down all of your ideas in this story and the way you expressed it was nice...But i was not satisfied with way the entire story ended...I wished if you would have told what happens next and would have elaborated this piece of writing...But until you wrote , it seemed perfect ...The way you described that girl's feeling actually appealed to me..I will be really happy if you write Part 2 of this story..
Hope you will be writing it soon..
Keep on writing..
Riddhi

[Zoya]

Not sure if I'll be writing part 2. Thank you nonetheless!

[KCthelastboyscout]

This story is disturbing and abrupt.i wish there was a third act.i wanted to know what happened to this girl even if I knew I didn't want to know.still, an effective story

[Zoya]

Thank you very much, KC.

[Sami Khalil]

Very spooky and real. You pull the reader in and at the end you can't help but want to help this damsel in distress. Not all that glitters is gold and not all relationships are perfect. You are amazing Zoe.

[Zoya]

Truly said. Thank you for your time and kind review! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.

[pia]

This started out so cute and you know like those teem romances we all wish to have. I had a feeling throughout that something will happen. AND WOAH it got so dark at the end. i loved the plot twist. it leaves an open ended question. who was he??? was it the boy or was it someone else. very intriguing loved it

[Zoya]

Glad you liked it! Thank you, Pia :)

[Deepak Belbase]

I like the beginning of this piece. But as I read it further it was like a fairy tale to me. But suddenly I got a surprise. When the whole thing turned to a nightmare. I was so much engaged with the story and I was wishing if the day would be the perfect one. I guess you have achieved what you was willing to achieve. Your story was simple, beautiful and the best part was the way you make your reader wish if the conclusion were the different. I'll suggest you to write some thing with good ending.

[Zoya]

Thank you much. I appreciate the feedback

[Fatima]

This is a great story line and very intriguing, i'd love to read more!

[Zoya]

Gald you liked it. Thank you, Fatima! :)

[Suhd]

This one has so much to offer to the mind. Bravo !

[Zoya]

Thank you, Suhd! Much appreciated :)

[emipoemi]

Wow! What a story, and what an ending! I'm not sure whether "retrieves" is the word you're looking for, but it's otherwise a powerful read. Nicely done!

[Zoya]

Thank you, emi! I appreciate it :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting story so far. I wanted to know and read more. I liked the set-up of the story. A wide open ending also. Thank you Zoe for sharing the amazing story. Will there be more?
Coyote

[Zoya]

That's what I am asking myself, Coyote! Still undecided. But I'll try to continue.
So glad you enjoyed! Thank you muchly :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good beginning Zoe.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Oh dear how quick things can go wrong when you least expect it- life isn’t always what we like to believe it is - nice twist to this 🌹

[Zoya]

True you are. Thank you very much for your words here! :)