A Poem by Mr.Commentator

I cant see through the glass door

Im here yet Im in another room

Cant wait to see the invisible

Like a man behind a curtain

Or a fire underwater

Makes no sense but theres got to be a meaning to this insanity

I cant wait to be famous for doing nothing but sing

I cant wait to see God in Heaven

Its the time to wake up relize that its real life, not a fantasy

Not a fantasy,

Not another dream

Not another mind trick

Not my imagination


What is this

That you call your aquantinces

Ive always wondered if a colorblind person dreams in color

Ive always wondered if a blindman dreams of pictures or anything

If a deaf person can hear in their dreams

Or if what we call life is just a big dream

© 2011 Mr.Commentator

My Review

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You are quite talented,
I see very much the strong thoughts and emotions in this piece. You capture a world of imagery. I greatly have enjoyed the two pieces I have had time to review, take pride or assurance you are quite the poet friend. I truly love the way you convey the ideas about dreams as well. I have a couple of points you might consider on this point, if any way I have overstepped myself in this review please let me know.
These are your thoughts and emotions, I simply support.

"I cant wait to be famous for doing nothing but (sing)"

Did you mean singing?

Its - it's-----?

A couple of times I noticed this, may be intentional i don't know just thought I would bring it up in case you didn't see it.
Again I love this piece and find it to be inspiring.

Posted 6 Years Ago

This one I like a lot. It makes emphatic statements while also posing questions. Nicely blended, like blending the fantasy with reality, and who knows which is which? I think you left the "ing" off of "sing"". There should be a period after "wake up". and the next word is "Realize". It is okay to leave out punctuations if you punctuate the writing by starting a new line though. Put a period after "Makes no sense". Leave out the next word "but" and capitalize and add an apostrophe to the word "There's". "acquaintances" misspelled. a few other miner grammatical corrections needed, but the poem, for its thought and wondering is well done and enjoyable. A complete delight with none of the questions answered, but left for the reader to decide. Loved it.

Posted 8 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on November 27, 2011
Last Updated on November 30, 2011
Tags: Life, Effort, Dream



Venice, FL

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