never give

never give

A Story by Mr.Commentator
"

fresh out the gate running and running he halls for the finish he trips he falls his dreams fall apart he loses he fights he remains at the top

"
fresh out the gate
running and running
he halls for the finish
he trips
he falls
his dreams fall apart
he loses
he fights
he remains at the top

© 2011 Mr.Commentator


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Here again, Mr. Commentator, is a prose poem, not a story. I love the images here. You have expressed yourself nicely. I believe you meant the word "halls" to be the word "hauls". Unless you meant "falls". In any case, "halls" is being misused here. There is also somewhat of a paradox or oxymoron to say "he loses" and yet "remains at the top", unless you meant to convey that he didn't give up after losing, fought again and won after all. But you need to build that thought more if that is the case. And shouldn't the title be "Never Give Up"? Putting an "of" between "out" and "gate" would make the thought clearer. All in all a very nice prose poem on your part.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on November 28, 2011
Last Updated on November 28, 2011

Author

Mr.Commentator
Mr.Commentator

Venice, FL



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Hi I am Taylor, I have been writing now for 3 years, and enjoyed everysecond, i hope you like my writing as much as i like making it more..

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