A Story by Mr.Commentator

The rain, the teardrops, whats the difference, we always see both when were depressed

© 2011 Mr.Commentator

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Short and profound - depression colors everything we perceive. I notice that you haven't posted in a long time. Hope you haven't given up writing. I also noticed you're from Venice - my in-laws live there and we've visited a few times. Lovely place.

Posted 6 Years Ago

I really like Aaron's review of this piece. It is poetic as the poem itself.

Posted 8 Years Ago

A few minor corrections to an otherwise lovely thought that is more a prose poem than a story. Rules of a story and rules of a poem are quite different. Stories, to be a story, must have a beginning, a middle and an end. This story is a musing, not a story. But it is well done. However, put a period after "teardrops" and a question mark after "difference". Also put an apostrophe in the words "what's" and "we're".

You have posed an interesting thought to ponder. I relate, having "season affected depression". Can't handle gray, rainy weather for very long before it depresses me. It's the main reason I couldn't live in Seattle, though I tried to more than once. Keep on writing on.

Posted 8 Years Ago

ok here is some constructive criticism id this is supposed to rhyme well it doesnt rhyme well if its a poem its not formatted right and its not very long its good for a amateur :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There is a truth to the words you put to the page. The grey overcast moments of life area always hard to deal with, and usually involved wet drips of some kind in the process of finding a sunny shore.


Posted 8 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on November 29, 2011
Last Updated on November 29, 2011



Venice, FL

Hi I am Taylor, I have been writing now for 3 years, and enjoyed everysecond, i hope you like my writing as much as i like making it more..