Taste of First Kiss

Taste of First Kiss

A Poem by Christy
"

A sonnet

"

He kissed my lips sweet with tear drops and fear

Wings of a creature now fighting for flight

soar deep in my soul wings that feel and hear

A new life escaped into me with light

         

He has now touched the inside of my eyes, 

has seen me inside and out from above

When his kiss entered my mouth like smooth ice

my belly bubbled and trembled then love

 

Flipping and floating on air that is thin

he is inside my head my feet my womb

His breath catches my sense of smell again

I have experienced from him love loom

 

I have searched for you my love, for all this

time away from you was missed in your kiss

© 2010 Christy


Author's Note

Christy
This is my first attempt at a sonnet. Please feel free to give criticism

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Featured Review

First of all, you should leave the appropriate space between the stanzas, as it's done in sonnets.

It's: 4 lines + space + 4 lines + space + 3 lines + space + 3 lines = sonnet!! =)

Also, the idea of a 'first kiss' that you're trying to deliver is kind of lost in that random description.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Can you be more specific on how it is confusing? It makes sense to me :) obviously since I wrote it, but I want to be able to appeal to reader's as well. I wanted to capture the butterfly feeling of fluttering all over the place, not being able to place your finger on exactly how you feel when the first kiss happens...if that makes sense. Thanks for the review!

Posted 11 Years Ago


i think the idea of a first kiss is lost within this concept of love that you present as well. The lines should flow a little more together i think maybe try following the path the kiss takes through your body and thoughts ya know like this line "When his kiss entered my mouth like smooth ice
my belly bubbled and trembled then love" the flow there just confuses me...


um

to me a first kiss
tells you so much
and so little
it feels [and fills] you with lies

for the most
part
it tricks you

Posted 11 Years Ago


yes i agree this sounds more like its love but yet your hurt or some thing but i do like this. nice for a first try, By the was you Inspired me to write another poem i am gonna post it i am calling it Tast of new love for a life time.











Posted 11 Years Ago


First of all, you should leave the appropriate space between the stanzas, as it's done in sonnets.

It's: 4 lines + space + 4 lines + space + 3 lines + space + 3 lines = sonnet!! =)

Also, the idea of a 'first kiss' that you're trying to deliver is kind of lost in that random description.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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411 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 3, 2010
Last Updated on June 5, 2010
Tags: kiss, first kiss, love, butterflies

Author

Christy
Christy

Somerset, KY



About
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