Ventilicious

This is the purest text I have written for a long time. It explains how I feel and how I've felt for a long time.

For a long time I have not been excited about things.

For a long time I have not been truly happy.

It took me a long time for me to master the arts of not caring.

Nothing surprises me anymore, nothing ever does.

I am supposed to go to Rome and play some exotic music pieces but I do not feel anything when I think about it. Only stress.

I care so little that I do not remember any birthday dates, except mine.

What consisted of my initial integrity is now mostly gone. 

I don’t care what others think of me, and I don’t care what I think of them.

I do what I want, skip classes, skip participating with family, skip work.

I have gone to the psychologist but my problems go so deep that even I don’t understand it.

I have looked for help from friends but they have problems of their own and don’t want to invest the psychological energy in me.

So here I am, doomed to be alive.

Author's Note

Ventilicious doesn't mean anything really, just an exaggeration of the word 'vent'.