Smoke

I recall a time when I knew

    what it meant to breathe

natural inhale,  exhale of life

scented with the essence of posies,

then your smoke clouded my world

constricting/blackening/poisoning

my heart collapsed as if by nicotine

why is there no patch for love

Reviews

[Ohhhwillow]

This is just aching in nostalgia, your emphasis on "natural inhale" highlights to us that there are unnatural breaths for you too. Addiction can be mended, unfortunately even time cannot fully heal a wounded heart.. This is so powerful Frieda. So beautiful.. Well done

[Frieda P]

Love your comments here Willow, thanks so much.

[InsanityWriter]

In short, this is amazing. :) I love the imagery in this piece! Very powerful.

[Baby Ricochet]

Good poem. A love patch would be a beautiful thing

[Tai Ryens]

And to imagine I was doubtful this poem referred to a cigarette addiction!
How intricate it must have been to word this. I've had similar concepts in mind, but I couldn't quite pull it off right. I had trouble with diction.
Also, may I add, I've hardly read anything similar to this. Sure, I have read the occasional "Love is my nicotine" poetry, but a compulsive need to relieve yourself of a love addiction with the equivalent to nicotine patches? Intelligent, I daresay. I could never have wrote it better myself.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Tai, that is the highest praise for a poet to have an 'original' idea, much appreciated.

[Brianna Brie]

I really enjoy the beginning of this for I too recall a time. Wonderfully written!

[Frieda P]

Thanks Brie, glad you enjoyed this one.

[PP]

We all need a patch Frieda, let me know who's selling, in the meantime I'll search on ebay ! Who knows may get a second hand one! LOL

[Frieda P]

Ha if I beat you to it, I'll even share Lol

[PP]

hahaha..I like the spirit! You look on Amazon, hahah!

[Frieda P]

Way ahead of you, already on it! lol

[PP]

ayeeeeeee..I have a spam sent to your computer, it will give me your secret search info! You can't beat me lady! LOL

[Frieda P]

Wow a mean Tink!!! There must a write in there somewhere....! Lol

[PP]

The patch is looking for you Frieda, don't waste time..the hyperlink you have just clicked is the one! haha

[Frieda P]

Oh no you didn't! ha

[PP]

IT IS!

[Frieda P]

Ha what did you eat for breakfast, the china? ;-P

[PP]

haha, naaah Dr Wood served some Full English, so I had that and burppppeed!

[Frieda P]

OH yeah me too....seems as though some people are eating nails and them burping!

[PP]

Ya I've heard of them bug-head men and women! They are the emerging new age species! LOL

[Frieda P]

Send those bible thumpers to them so! ;-P

[PP]

haha, wish I could! When I told the lady, no thanks I don't want to buy Jesus..she goes to me 'you haven't probably compared Christianity against yours'..I was like DO I REALLY HAVE TO!

[Frieda P]

You should have ordered one baby Jesus and a side of saints, that'll usually get rid of them!

[PP]

Next time, only if there is a next time! Guess I will stick a warning message on my door! LOL

[Michael G.]

Sad, melancholy write.
What a really sad world it would be if there were a patch for love.
Well written thought, Frieda.

[Frieda P]

Perhaps, or maybe there'd be a lot more sane people! Thanks Mike... ;-)

[David Scott]

Just stay 420 friendly and skip the nicotine and heroine...
So, love those who will not harm you and you will never need a patch. If only I could tell you how to screen your loves eh? ;)

[Frieda P]

HA, sounds like a very good plan David...thanks love x ;-)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This one is heart wrenching, and I'm amazed that you were able to evoke such a feeling in me in so few lines. I love the "recollection" aspect, because I think we are all able to look back on the days gone by and remember times when life wasn't so difficult or mundane. Well done.

One thought...in the line "constricting/blacken/poison" might it work better as "constricted/blackened/poisoned", just to stay in the same tense? Just a thought.

[Frieda P]

I'm thrilled it made you 'feel' Friday, yes I fully understand your thoughts here, thanks. I'll work it. :-)

[KeeD]

haunting reality of a shadowed heart.. each breath painfully clouded by the silent killer.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Kee, you got it in one, ;-)