~Disenchanted Sandcastles

~Disenchanted Sandcastles

A Poem by Frieda P
"

Collaboration ~ Jack & Frieda

"

I averted my eyes so you would not see

the color of destiny fading to gray,

cobalt thunder bolts had dimmed

to a dingy shade of regrets

yesterday's fervor suspended mid flight

 

And I laughed, if not out of humor

but some odd sewn reason collecting

on the seams of my thoughts    

patterned after fracturing waves

finding their end on a zigzag shoreline

 

like driftwood washed upon the brink

our passion wave stood motionless

dulled beneath a brilliant sun 

blinded by halting dark clouds

 

digging in the sand, a shell held tightly

between shivering fingers, searching

for that which we had, moonlit sharing

reckless on flip flop hopes, and dance floor desires

 

quixotic footprints in the surf gave way

to dusty shadows upon broken sandcastles

flying kites were just an illusion

their flight plummeting into dark seas enveloping me

 

frantically reaching, nothing is found but salted air

an empty hand of slow motion wondering

scattering dreams like so many skipped stones

on blank surfaces, only to understand sinking ends the illusion

 

you held me in your sight one last time

guilt welled up dusky dreams in my tears

past written on elusive carbon copys 

of grievances that adulteraded my heart

  

on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights

 or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit

 alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days

 worn smooth of  memories, and as I know I am to blame

 a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her




© 2013 Frieda P


My Review

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Featured Review

You two are my two favourite people on here! :) I love you both and when you do a collaboration it is utter perfection. You guys just seem to fit your work in all the right places. You both work so well with imagery and the emotion. This is really heart wrenching but an amazing write.

"on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights
or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit
alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days
worn smooth of memories, and as I know I am to blame
a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her"

This is an absolute tear-jerker but amazingly well written. I loved it all, it was so well structured.

My kiddiewinkles are all grown-up! (not sure why I said that but.... yeah)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Awh noodlebumble, you're too sweet hon, thanks muchly, and yeah, weird finish lol :-)
s y e

10 Years Ago

Haha, I'll take that out. :P



Reviews

Chilling and hauntingly beautiful! My favorite line: "And I laughed, if not out of humor"
Great description. Great use of metaphors, which I know is Freida's thing :3 And Jack is good with the feels.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Blue Ivory

10 Years Ago

Awww what happened? D:
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Too many memories since my sister is gone, not to mention life.....
Blue Ivory

10 Years Ago

Oh my gosh I'm sorry
Hey nice work guys, I like the way the poem describes the relationship slipping away like a sandcastle caught in the surf. Great stuff. Very moving and well blended together with separate voices.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Ha now you tell me! ;-)
Astro

10 Years Ago

Well, you live and learn.
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Amen to that.....
Great job on both parts...lovely write...lovely read...truly enjoyed this one.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Thanks so much Tarry, so glad you enjoyed our musings.
Tarry Franck

10 Years Ago

my pleasure
You're both brats, Jack for his aggressive marketing tactics and you both for being so amazing together. Yeah, so.
Actually all joking aside I thought the marketing was very sweet - and it is a beautiful poem. Intersprersed with atmosphere and lush words, that unique mix of love and loss and introspection and the way the words just trickle and flow - every time I try to build a sandcastle the water trickles in - that's how this poem is - like steady upwelling of water. Very organic and wonderful to read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


TL Boehm

10 Years Ago

"Brat" is definitely a term of endearment. I call my family members "brats" when they are being cute.. read more
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Ha middle names are like cursing, I hear you... ;-)
TL Boehm

10 Years Ago

They ARE! I concur.
What a great picture you have drawn! I see the boardwalk, the vendors, hear the music, smell the popcorn. I can see your sandcastle from here; it is crumbling about the edges and the tide seems to be coming in. What a bittersweet memory.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jack...

10 Years Ago

Thank you so very much for you kind words. I love writing with Frieda, so much beauty flows from her.. read more
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Thanks minichinz, jazzed you enjoyed this one...
You two are my two favourite people on here! :) I love you both and when you do a collaboration it is utter perfection. You guys just seem to fit your work in all the right places. You both work so well with imagery and the emotion. This is really heart wrenching but an amazing write.

"on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights
or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit
alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days
worn smooth of memories, and as I know I am to blame
a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her"

This is an absolute tear-jerker but amazingly well written. I loved it all, it was so well structured.

My kiddiewinkles are all grown-up! (not sure why I said that but.... yeah)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Awh noodlebumble, you're too sweet hon, thanks muchly, and yeah, weird finish lol :-)
s y e

10 Years Ago

Haha, I'll take that out. :P
'reckless on flip flop hopes, and dance floor desires'...marvellous line...a really moving poem that had my eyes filling up. A great collab, as you two seemed to gel seamlessly throughout the stanzas...love it...Maggie



Posted 10 Years Ago


Jack...

10 Years Ago

Maggie, Frieda is easy to gel with...thanks so very much.
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Oh that's Jack's fantabulous line, thanks Maggie!
What a mixture of great writing.....filled with emotions and flawlless imagary....you both blend your words so very well

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jack...

10 Years Ago

Carol, I am happy to see you here, I knew you would like this. Thanks ever so much and now you see I.. read more
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Thanks carol, glad you enjoyed....
i find this exotic in a way..forlorn in a way...a mixture of sadness and beautiful memories of someone who has passed from our life...

i agree with Anne about the seamlessness...only the italics give away that there are two different voices..but you blend so well..

i am making a stab...but i feel the italicized parts are Jack's voice, and the others frieda's?

the carbon copies part really slammed me hard..that and the last stanza...i had to hold back tears.

Jack, thanks for alerting me to this ....glad i didn't miss it.

jacob

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jack...

10 Years Ago

Sorry Jacob, it is the other way around. Frieda is the italicized verses...you know, women and their.. read more
jacob erin-cilberto

10 Years Ago

well that shows how astute i am....:)
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Thanks for the lovely review jacob, and I'm truly flattered you got mine mixed up with Jacks!
It flows and it seems seamless. It is constructed very well and the subject matter builds along with the poem. You do work well together. Even new words Adulteraded. Well done the pair of you.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jack...

10 Years Ago

Thanks so much Ken for stopping by our poem. You never know what you will find whne we get together,.. read more
Frieda P

10 Years Ago

Grazie mille Ken, means a lot coming from you....

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Added on August 13, 2013
Last Updated on August 14, 2013

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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