~house of cards falls down

Behind this wall of plastered promises

foundations breaking in trembling tree tops

blocking the zephyrs that cool my keep

no light enters through those blind spots

breezes stuck in lock down's sentiments

torched the bed in emotion's steamroller

desperate structures resting on old laurels

placed a bet at the top floor suite

ended up on ground level's division

watched the house of cards fall down

Author's Note

Reviews

[DIVYA]

"desperate structures resting on old laurels
placed a bet at the top floor suite
ended up on ground level's division
watched the house of cards fall down"

This writing scores an ace as far as talking of hopelessness in relationships goes. We can go on for so long on something so little that transpired so many eons ago.

"wall of plastered promises" - a stunning phrase Frieda...it sums up how little we sometimes setlle for! Another gem! And looking forward to more.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Divya, wasn't sure about this one, I should have known if you read it, you would relate, I feel better about it now...grazie mille!

[just Penny]

the temporary nature of things built without good foundations tend to tumble in the end. You tell a somber tale here, Frieda, and the line "desperate structures resting on old laurels" is just wonderful in telling it like it is. A great write. Penny

[Einstein Noodle]

haven't we all built them ... its all about foundation and holding ones breath isn't it?! ;) this line jumps at me also:
"desperate structures resting on old laurels"
E.

[Ruth]

A painful experience and yet we rise again...eventually, nothng takes the lingering pangs away though...saddening but strong love xo

[Matching Socks]

I'm speechless Frieda, this is such an awesome write from you.
Really love the concept. Great work my friend.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Interesting Piece here different.


I loved these stanza's lines here.

Behind this wall of plastered promises

foundations breaking in trembling tree tops

blocking the zephyrs that cool my keep

no light enters through those blind spots



thank you for your lovey review and
comments you left on my page.


blessings. Benita/ Kindred poet

[Woody]

I knew you were from outer space. Gee, I'm lost for adjectives.
I truly love this and that song is one of my favourites. can't get any better.

[sharonlee]

Hi Frieda... this has great impact and many implications... is it the final card that causes the crumble? Or did the very first get weary of supporting the rest? Makes one wonder.

Peace

[kublakhan27]

Oh jeez, when I mentioned that song, I didn't mean you should change your own Mrs.R, I was just saying that this is the song I would have used if I wrote something like this ;) And I could easily write something on this theme, but I'd never capture it in the way that you do...you just have a way of getting things across that brings the reader into your world...I know you'll say not to put my work down, but I don't really bring people into my world, and who would really wanna be there anyway when you see what I write? ;P

So having said all this, you know I deeply relate to this piece...as soon as you evoked a wall in the first line, you had me...emotions are never content with just running me over once...every day they seem to back up over me and run me over again...and the house of cards, that's my psyche all the way...that's just what it is...one little zephyr and down it goes...I'm fighting so hard to be positive, but I guess it's obvious that I'm already starting to show cracks...still I will try to keep them plugged as long as I can...I really wish my library was working cuz this should definitely be in it...I did remember to rate though ;)

Powerful stuff Mrs.R...it always is...xo

[Relic]

Great stuff Frieda. I can see how the song and your words fit well together. Especially the last line "Together we stand, divided we fall. I believe all relationships are based on a house of cards. They can work to keep it up or one (or both) can let it fall down. Great lines in this.

[Avinash]

Hey you...:) The poetess of magical words just created another masterpiece with elegance and panache . The underlying deep and overtone of the poem made my go on overdrive . But they are things better felt than said.