Parade Rain

So conflicted...

To sit and ponder exactly what I am feeling proves to be a difficult task. I cannot discern the organization between answers, resources, and questions to ask. Some days, I couldn't ask for more, yet I cannot help but to feel some sort of down. With people too close, I get annoyed, but I'm lonely when no one is around. I know I am conflicted, but I cannot make up my mind to change. To make sense of something little, everything has to be rearranged. If I am so aware that I am the problem, why can't I do something about it? I don't have the control to eliminate toxins and draw closer things that benefit. I just can't make sense of anything anymore. Each day is like a battle in a front of a new war. I spend hours trying to dismantle the train. Accompanying the parade is always the rain.