As I Lay Dying

As I Lay Dying

A Story by zwartenkot
"

A Prologue to a story I just started writing

"
Prologue: As I Lay Dying

Time.
Such a small word, that means so much. The actual definition of time is; "The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole."
Time only continues for existence, it doesn't stop for anyone else. Nothing can stop it. Time could be passing you, as you live your normal life.
And then you blink.
It's an involuntary action, you’re forced to do it, but in one blink everything can change. For some people blinking is a good thing. Unless you're me.
I blinked.
And my world turned inside out. Everything I thought I knew was burned down. My world was torn apart. And yet time keeps passing, without a care in the world as things get worse. I'm pretty sure I've hit rock bottom, you can't hit the ground any harder than I did. But I guess in a way I'm lucky, the bad things will stop soon. My time will be up. I'll have nothing else to worry about.
Because I'll be dead.
My body lay up against the cold stone wall, although I couldn't feel anything anymore. My body was so numb. My frayed clothes didn't provide me with much warmth. I lost count how many days I think I've been here, it feels like an eternity. This cell has become my home. Family and friends are lost somewhere, I'm not sure I'll ever find them. I'm not even sure I want to anymore.
I stared down at the chains binding my hands and feet, prohibiting me from attempting an escape. As if I would have the strength to. I lay my head against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to shut out the hell I'm in. The quietness enveloped me. My heart beat soundlessly.
I jumped, hearing the jingle of keys.
He was coming.
My heartbeat started to pick up and hammer against my chest. The loud footsteps crept closer. I took a deep breath. I pull myself up, so I could face him. No more cowering in the corner like a scared child. The footsteps got louder, until they abruptly stopped in front of my cell door.
He put the key in the lock, triggering the door to sway open. He stood there, though in the darkness I was unable to see his face. He stood there for a few moments, not saying a word. Nothing needed to be said. We both knew it was time.
I was done fighting.
My killer sauntered over to me, ready to begin, a seething chuckle escaping his lips. He was excited. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for impact.
Tick. Tick. Tick.

© 2016 zwartenkot


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Nod
It was interesting, but I found the google translate definition of time mildly irritating. I think you could explain your (or in this case your protagonist's) thoughts on what is time without actual facts. Also, try to space your paragraphs so it's not one big wall of text. That'll make it easier for the reader. But overall it was better than something I would write.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's a really captivating story, I like it very much. The concept is very interesting and your language is generally very good. Here are some of my thoughts as I was reading:

- "Such a small world, that ..." I would cut out the comma here.
- "The actual definition" - says who? There are many different definitions, who says that this is the actual one? You could say 'XX's definition of time ..."
- "For some people blinking ..." This sentence struck me as odd - isn't blinking good for everyone, not just some people? It might be more powerful if you said it's for everyone.
- "I blinked. And my world ..." This is a very interesting part. I like it.
- The next paragraph is very good, too.
- "loud footsteps crept ..." - creeping is silent, isn't it?
- "I pull myself up, so I could face ..." inconsistency in the tense.

Overall, I loved the piece. Maybe review the beginning, since that's the part that I felt worked less well than the rest.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Nod
It was interesting, but I found the google translate definition of time mildly irritating. I think you could explain your (or in this case your protagonist's) thoughts on what is time without actual facts. Also, try to space your paragraphs so it's not one big wall of text. That'll make it easier for the reader. But overall it was better than something I would write.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

it's pretty good, it's got hook. I was interested in seeing it all to the end and it started at a good place. the only problem would be the writing style, a few grammatical errors. I'm not good with that so I can't give you pointers but the general opinion is that it was a good read though there is still room for much improvement.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really want to read the rest of this! Great start

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 11, 2016
Last Updated on August 26, 2016