October 18th part 2

Pulling up to the apartment complex....



The sun is shinning. The clouds are all but tiny streaks across the sky. It is such a rich blue tattered canopy. The air is thin and cool yet somehow still. Jackie is sitting at the foot of the steps with eyes heavy and confused. Her poorly dyed hair, wild as always. Her work uniform a mess. Hands in a knot in her lap as the ground rises up making it too short so her legs have to bend. Tears have stained her face. The distance her fixed gaze seems infinite. I brush pass her as I take the two flights of stairs. In four large steps I take the faulty stair case exposed to the elements. The cracked cement steps and hand rails with chipped paint shake as I reach the rest of my life.


906 stood at the top as I embrace the door way. I had not noticed the ambulance outside, but two uniformed men and George stood over Patrick, with heads hung low in failure. George slightly raised his head as my shadow interrupted his stare. His large arms are folded. The weight of agony overwhelming his large stature. There is no comfort in his face. There's a yellow tarp or sheet or picnic table covering over Patrick, over his torso and face. His long arms and legs were exposed due to the size of broad shoulders of a 6' 1" frame. I float to his side. Tragedy is all around me and invading my chest making it hard to breathe. I kneel down and tug on the yellow covering revealing his face. His eyes slightly open and lost. No life or breath in his lips. A gray blue tint consuming his fading pigment. This was not Patrick but a shell left behind. A vacancy. Blue and dark at the corners of his mouth. His jaw open and pushed back as he lay. A stillness like no other. His large hands and fingers relaxed on the dingy carpet.


As I examined Patrick, George started to cross the threshold from where he and the two paramedics were standing. As a group they yelled, "Get away from him!" The shock I fell under took over and "F**k you, he's my brother!" came out. I repeated the word "No!" every time my brain dealt with reality until it lost meaning. George's arms held my arms down and pushed me to the door. Patrick is dead. This is forever. This is not real. This hurts unlike any other pain. I am outside of 906 and Patrick lay on a dingy carpet. I walk down the stairs sit next to Jackie. Our silence is not peaceful. The muted sorrow is only disturbed by a car that pulls into a parking space facing the apartment.


A strange, fat woman opens and exits the driver side. Walks to same side passenger door and opens it. Pauline emerges from the strange woman's car. Her disposition emanates from the moment her foot steps out of the car like a mist of despair. Carrying her satchel of a purse, she slowly makes her way towards Jackie and myself. The fat strange woman turns off her car and proceeds to follow Pauline. Pauline makes a timid yet determined walk to the stairs and marches past two almost lifeless fixtures half blocking the steps. She makes a gesture to the woman beside her and the woman stays behind. A slow deliberate pace up the stairs as she makes her way. Pauline enters the apartment and closes the door behind her.


Silence is ruled by Jackie and I as the stranger's nervous energy has no affect on us. Time is irrelevant as the apartment door opens once again. George and Pauline come out into the day. As they make their way down the stairs a large van pulls into the parking lot and blocks the cars in as it stops suddenly. A fat short man and a short thin partner retrieve a stretcher from the back of the van. On the stretcher is a large, dark, dirty blue, heavy blanket. They make a glance at the family of lost hope with a stranger looming. The men make no sound except the banging of the stretcher's wheels as they slide over diffuse pavement broken by time. Up the weathered stairs to commence a job the men were to answer. It took no time to wrap up Patrick in the blanket and strap him down to the stretcher. They almost rushed past George, Pauline, Jackie and myself with a destination too far to waste time.


Just then, Pauline stops these men and says, "Wait," with a soft surrendering voice. The two men looked at eachother and haulted. Only Patrick's face is exposed to the sky. Emotions swelled beyond capacity in all of us except the three strangers. Tears and half broken tender words trickled as we all laid hands and lips to Patrick's face and covered body. One by one we say a few sweet meaningless words and with the end, the two men continue to carry out their mission.

Author's Note

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