young, sad and seeking

I love how cities made me feel it's so big
especially at night where we walk blurry alive
The city is my place
I belong to its wilderness

A friend I call to grab quick coffees
proceeded to shoppings
more on city shenanigans
but all are just s****y socializing illusions

Desperation to belong to something is fucked
begged everyone's attention
as if you're better-
you're not

Drunk nights with strangers
feeling living the best life
but what comes after?
Confusions

Am I doing enough?
Am I doing this better than them?
Am I impressing them?
Am I happy? Did they smile?

What am I doing?
I'm scared I can't keep up
I want to be like them
please like me, please

I hate this city
I hate everything, I hate these people
I did it better, you didn't!
i am the perfection!

what am I doing?
I feel worse, is this even the right thing?
I feel suffocated
where's my peace?

I'm tired
someone take this from me?
I don't know anymore
please take it