God is a kid and I’m a toy

God is a kid, and I’m a toy
You make no sense, you’re just a boy
You hunt my days, you rule my nights
You are the rope, my hands that ties

God is a kid, and I’m a toy
you blindfold me, you’re just a boy
if you want games, do please say so
I’m a boy too, no need to grow

God is a kid, and I’m a toy
You make no sense, you’re just a boy
cheat my own eyes; but not my mind
so many years, I’ve been so blind

God is a kid, and I’m a toy
You make no sense, you give no joy
what if I kill myself tonight?
what if you kill yourself tonight?

Author's Note

just a point of view :)

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

The concept of god being a kid and your narrator being a toy is great, I can see why you repeated it as a refrain. The reader is left to fill in the image for themselves, i.e. what kind of kid...destructive? cruel? happy and sweet?

Wasn't sure about the meaning of "my hand that tights", read to me like the rhyme scheme messed with your semantics. Were you trying to convey that your narrator's hand is the one that tightens the rope - or that their hands are tied tightly?

The final two lines felt like they came out of nowhere, but maybe that was the idea, for deliberate dramatic impact(?) Interesting how matter-of-factly the questions are expressed...

Thanks for your message, I appreciate you reading my work. But the site generally operates through a review system, people exchanging reviews openly - otherwise a lot of people lose out on chances to be read :)

[Michael of Gilead]

Interesting pov

[luna11]

The poem is very nice and well written :)
Good flow and rhythm.
Well done xD
xx

[Hoosier Belle]

This is really good, and so expressive. It's ponderful. Nicely written and expressed.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

God always seems to come alive in the simplest of things. Great imagery, the two last lines are real shockers...you slowly built it up to this height.

well written
Vincent
www.esprit.stblogs.com

[Lovely Lady]

contemplation ... my thoughts exactly! life's a play, who is the puppeteer?

[Octob3r Star]

nice

[Hello, Elle]

This is lovely. I felt a little lost at some points, but the overall message is great and I enjoyed the read!

[Brittany W]

This is great, you expressed your feelings well, great write.

[deeps]

God is a kid, and I’m a toy
you blindfold me, you’re just a boy

I so loved this part here, This is amazing.
Love the feelings in this. Wonderfully written.

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

This isn't bad but there were one or two lines that don't really make scence like: "You are the rope, my hands that tights". Also in the last stanza I don't think the last two lines really fit. I'd also say to change the line "cheat my own eyes but not my mind" by putting in some punctuation maybe "cheat my own eyes; but not my mind" or "cheat my own eyes, but not my mind".... I don't know just something to split it up a bit 'cause then it'll fit a bit better with the structure you've used here.